Wednesday, May 10, 2006

It is hard out here

It’s gonna go how it go when it do go fo’ sho’, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

That’s so sweet kind of
In an interview, Nicole Kidman said she still loves Tom Cruise. Yeah, in fact Nicole said it was the best phony marriage anyone could ever have.

David Blaine has been submerged under water for over seven days. Blaine is so pruney and wrinkled, for his next trick Blaine is going to impersonate Keith Richards and fall out of a cocoanut tree.

Magician David Blaine fell two minutes short of the record when he held his breath for seven minutes. The record of nine minutes was set in New York City, in the back of a cab on a hot day.

For his next stunt, David Blaine is going to appear on “The View” and try and get a word in edgewise.

Dirty Dozen
The Seattle Seahawks and Texas A&M have reached a legal agreement after a fight over the phrase “the 12th man.” Now they just have to get the phrase “the 12th man” away from Paris Hilton’s term for a typical Saturday night.

In perspective
The White house dismissed the letter from the President of Iran as long and meandering. Of course, this a president who thinks the fortune in a fortune cookie is long and meandering.

Oops, getting a little ahead, here
There are a lot of ugly divorces in Hollywood right now: Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen; Richie Sambora and Heather Locklear, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Oh, wait, no I’m sorry, Tom and Katie are next month.  

Not good on the road
The Chicago Cubs have lost eight in a row on their latest road trip; this is the worst performance on the road outside of Kevin Federline’s “It’s Hard Out Here For a Whimp” rap tour.

Star Jones is being dumped from “The View” for Rosie O’Donnell. That's too bad, Rosie and Star have so much in common. They both married a homosexual.

Star Jones is being dumped from “The View” for Rosie O’Donnell. Rumor is Star has become too difficult to work with. In fact, an anonymous source said that Star’s co-workers would rather fall out of a cocoanut tree than work with Star.