Tuesday, May 09, 2006

It is hard out here

Smack that money maker, Home Depot and Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

The message is the medium
The President of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, sent a letter to President Bush. Is that a good idea? This is a president who doesn’t read memos on hurricanes. You want to get a message to Bush?  Put it in an episode of “Sponge Bob Square Pants.”

Quite a chip off the old block
Rep. Patrick Kennedy crashed his car at the Capital and was not charged. In John F. Kennedy we had “Ask not what your country can do for you.” In Rep. Patrick Kennedy we have; “Ask not what my car just did to you.”

Between Patrick Kennedy wrecking his car, Cynthia McKinney slapping a capital policeman, Randal “Duke” Cunningham and Tom DeLay accepting bribes, if Congress is not careful, their image could get so sleazy, they may have to start their own oil company.  

Sorry, Senior Lipe
Kentucky Derby favorite Lawyer Ron finished a disappointing 12th; in retrospect, it wasn’t surprising that a horse named after a Lawyer would want to finish as close as possible to the trailing ambulance.

Uh, no, Paris, that’s not, oh forget it
It was a little awkward when she was asked why she was dating Arizona Cardinal Matt Leinart, Paris Hilton said; “I’ve never dated someone high up in the Catholic church before. That’s hot.”

Uh, no, Sir, that’s not, oh forget it
President Bush has said he wants more human CIA agents, so it was a little awkward today when Bush suggested they recruit that Jack Bauer guy from that Fox show “2 and 4.”

It’s only rock and roll but I like it
He is going to be fine, but Keith Richards had to have his skull drilled after falling out of a cocoanut tree. Why was a 62-year-old billionaire rock star climbing a palm tree? Keith needed that cocoanut like he needs a hole in the head.  

He is going to be fine, but Keith Richards had to have his skull drilled after falling out of a cocoanut tree. Keith didn’t need the hole in his head for his concussion, he just wanted another place to put a cigarette.

Not since then
The Los Angeles Lakers lost four in a row to the Phoenix Suns and are out of the playoffs. Kobe Bryant only scored one point in the fourth quarter of game seven; in fact, I haven’t seen Kobe choke that much sent he got the bill for his wife’s $4 million dollar diamond ring.

The Charlie Sheen Denise Richards divorce is so ugly. Today Charlie was flying into Washington DC and Denise had Rep. Patrick Kennedy pick him up at the airport.

K-Fed’s Rap Tour
Kevin Federline is on tour. I think the name of the tour is: “It’s Hard Out Here for a Whimp.”

Ruth’s records are falling like flies
San Francisco Giants slugger Barry Bonds is one home run from tying Babe Ruth’s record. And Charlie Sheen is one sexually transmitted disease away from tying Babe Ruth’s other record.  

A big deal
For the first time, the Kentucky Derby had a corporate sponsor, Yum! Brands. Yum! Brands owns Kentucky Fried Chicken, Taco Bell, Long John Silver and Taco Bell so not only are they the largest food company, but, next to Exxon, their food is the second biggest producer of oil.