Thursday, May 18, 2006

It is hard out here

S’up with yo bad selves, Torn Slattern and Nugget Ranchers?

So sad
Graduation time is coming up. This is a tough time for a lot of boys graduating from High School students, they have to break up with their teachers.  

Not good
The first “Survivor” winner, the fat naked guy, Richard Hatch, is going to jail for four years for not paying taxes on his million dollar winnings; oh boy, the last thing you want is to go to prison with the name Dick Hatch.  

Did you see the big “Survivor” episode? It was a big surprise, they voted off magician David Blaine because he lost the hold-your-breath immunity challenge.

Tough to top
O.J. Simpson has a new “Punked” style TV show called “Juiced” where O.J. surprises people. Though I doubt OJ will ever top how much he surprised Nicole and Ron.

OJ has his own TV show. And you thought the producers of “Joey” had a guilty conscience?

Mad as hell
A survey claims that Miami has the worst road rage of all cities; Los Angeles drivers were so upset about hearing they lost the worst road rage to Miami that they shot out their car radios.

Early this year
May 9th was national orgasm day. Was it just me or did orgasm day come early this year?  

I can hardly wait
Barry Bonds is still stuck on home run 713, one shy of Babe Ruth’s record; just one more home run by Barry Bonds and we can get on with really not caring about Bonds or his stupid record.

Where is the shame?
Beatle Sir Paul McCarthy and his wife, Heather Mills, have split up; it is estimated that Heather will receive $375 million in the settlement. That should help her get back on her foot.

When she heard Paul wanted a divorce, Heather was hopping mad.

Hopefully this will be an amicable split, because Heather wouldn’t stand much of a chance in an ass kicking contest.  

Makes sense
Britney Spears is in trouble again for a “New York Post” photo that shows her driving with her baby facing forward instead of the required backwards car seat. It’s not for safety reasons, they just don’t think the baby should be subjected to looking at Kevin Federline more than it has to.

First word sound like?
Now, I don’t want to imply that Kenny Rogers over did it with his face lift, but how would you like to have Kenny Rogers as your partner for Charades? “Shock? Terror? Surprise? Horror? Amazed? What?”
Right man for the job
For the second time, gay pop singer George Michael passed out behind the wheel of his car, this time when he woke up he drove off and hit a post. There were no charges but authorities are considering running Michaels for Patrick Kennedy’s congressional seat.  

More clever than funny
St. Louis Cardinals slugger Albert Pujols has 19 home runs and is way ahead of Barry Bonds five home runs and the inactive Rafael Palmeiro and Sammy Sosa’s zero. So, this year, in home runs, one Pujols is better than three a-holes.  

Since you asked
For the last time, anyone over the age of 35 cannot use street slang without doing it with obvious sarcasm. (Attention: Jim Rome and the opening line of a.l.B.b.)You want to avoid being like Judge Smails’s wife in “Caddy Shack” when she says;

“OK, children you can shake your booties down to the dock.”