Saturday, April 08, 2006

It is hard out here

We got our weekend on up in this here beeeeeeeyaaaaahhhtch, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Do the math, not the teacher
In Delaware, a 34-year-old teacher was arrested for having sex with a 13-year-old student 28 times in one week; she claims she was helping him with his math. She wanted to demonstrate how many times 13 goes into 34.

What is with these women teachers having sex with young boys? When I was a kid the teachers wouldn’t let me bang my desktop.

When I was a kid the only thing the teachers let me bang were the erasers.

First Rep Cynthia McKinney said she was a victim of racism, but now with a grand jury investigation, she apologized to Congress for striking a capital police officer; this save-my-ass-after-a-screw-up ploy is known in Congress as a DeLay tactic, a Tom DeLay tactic.

Right after apologizing to Congress for hitting a capital police officer, Rep Cynthia McKinney and her security guard scuffled with the press. Well, at least she learned her lesson.

Where is Jesse Jackson when you need him?
At his trial to determine if he will be executed, 9/11 terrorist Zacarias Moussaoui yelled to the jury, “No pain, no gain America.” And the jury replied; “You’re gettin’ whacked, so adios Zach.”

Songs gone missing
Have you seen the soundtrack album for “Brokeback Mountain”? Why doesn’t it have Elton John’s “Don’t let the Sun Go Down on Me”?

I thought it was odd it didn’t have Elton John’s “Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboys.”

It was odd it didn’t have Steeler’s Wheel’s “Stuck in the Middle With You.”

The best ‘Brokeback Mountain” song? “Hop In And I’ll Drive You to Montana.”

Since you asked:

Gonna go for a run and then play a little soccer with Miss Thing and then it is a full on Santa Maria BBQ, grilled marinated tri tip with fresh salsa, ranch beans, sourdough biscuits (heh) and tossed ranch salad wif avocados.

Ever notice how when guys talk about their car’s engine or their guns, their voice gets lower? The extent of what I know about either? One goes voom voom and the other goes boom boom. Seriously, I am a guy’s guy, a tough guy, a strong guy, a masculine guy, a guy guy’s want to hang with and women want to, well, it rhymes with hang. But when it comes to discussions about guns and car engines I best skedaddle along and go help the women folk.

Today’s exercise tip:

With kids and dogs and wives – not in that order, honey, heh, heh – it is easy to get sidetracked away from your planned workout. Here is a tip that works for me: Drink a ton of coffee. No kidding, at least two, three and maybe even four cups. If you make your Joe as strong as I do, you will be so jacked up on caffeine you will have little choice but to go exercise it off.

And that concludes Lex’s exercise tip for today. Now get out there and run, bike, walk, climb, spin, Plates, rollerblade, swim, dance, ride, hoop, or just plain cavort.

Cavort is a great word. Cavort. Heh. Not as good as biscuit, but good. Cavort.