Thursday, March 02, 2006

Oh that is so so so

Oh that is so, so, so, so, so, so, I don’t know, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Bode crack
In reply to Bode Miller’s crack that he never goes out and still didn’t win, US skier Daron Rahlves said Bode spent too much time “looking for girls.” See, Bode wouldn’t have to spend so much time looking for girls if he had a couple of those girl magnets they call Olympic medals.  

Since you asked:  
Saw Jason Lee from “My Name is Earl” on “TTSWJL.” First of all, the guy is freakin’ tall. Way over the fairly tall Leno. Second, he is real life funny. Not as funny as his character but he is funny.

Attention all producers of intended to be sappy commercials or movies or TV shows. It is now officially the time to stop using the Five for Fighting song “100 Years.” It’s over. Stop it.

This leads us to a new feature all of the good people here at A.l.B.B. like to call:

I Used To Like It But It Now I Hate It

The Cutesy expression: “I could tell you but then I’d have to kill you.” This is now almost twenty years old as it became overly popular after “Top Gun” which came out in 1986. Yikes.

Hummers. Why not just drive a bus that has a huge banner that says “I am an A-Hole with a little or barely discernable penis”?

The band Boston. And I only liked them for about thirty seven minutes back in 1976.


You go, girl.


Crowded bars. Something cracked in my head one night when I walked into my favorite hot spot in La Jolla, Jose’s Courtroom. As I was pushing my way through a lot of loud and unfunny drunks with the music blasting real loud, it suddenly hit me: This sucks. This could be an age thing.

Mai Tai’s. Maybe if one is made by a beautiful Hawaiian girl when you are in Hawaii, but only then. Otherwise these things are ungodly sweet and contain the stickiest substance known to man outside of a Cinabon that always ends up on the bar and on your skin.

Outlaw Western Music. It has its days in the late Seventies and Early eighties but let it die with Waylon. Please.

Cell Phones.

Chat rooms. Believe it or not, there was a time when I would go into an AOL News chat room and find people who were having bright, informed conversations on current topics that gave me great ideas for material and it didn’t dissolve into a partisan hate frenzy with morons writing “You suck.” “No, you suck.” This died somewhere in the mid nineties.

“Funny” e-mails. Why is it that it is always the same people who send you the funny e-mail six months after you’ve already seen it back when it was actually funny? These are the same people who still use these things ;) and LOL.

;) and LOL.

Catchy phone rings.

Onion rings. OK, maybe once in a while to remind me I don’t like them.

Ripped and cut abs. This also goes under “I used to have them but now I don’t” My excuse for having ripped abs? I was in my late teens and early twenties working out four hours a day and I didn’t drink much. None of that last statement is still true.

Oak-y Chardonnays.



Mustaches. Not alone on this one.

Jewel. Alanis Morisette.

Tequila shots. Any shots. But I cannot do any Tequila shots anymore. Another age thing.

Sammy Sosa. I haf to say, Buddy, I guess we should have figured out something was wrong back when the coolest guy ever, Mark Grace, couldn’t stand Sosa.

Vijay Singh. (Warning to Tiger: One more hissy fit with another player on the tour you are on this list. Enough said)

Terry Bradshaw. If the guy was even a third as funny as he thinks he is he would be a little funny.

Doonesbury. Somebody please eliminate that self-righteous tool with the French name.

Burt Reynolds. When did he turn into a cartoon of an old Hollywood leading man?

Those cheap plastic truck driver type hats. At first they were so ugly they were cool, now the cool has rubbed off only leaving a lot of ugly.

The wave. If you do it at a game, you are no longer a friend of mine. Period.

Wearing a pro athlete’s jersey. I used to say you could wear a jersey as long it is the jersey of an athlete that is older than you are. This is no longer the case. Don’t wear team jerseys. OK, maybe the Chargers powder blues, but that is it. And the Cubs.  

An autograph. It is just documentation that you annoyed a famous person.