Thursday, February 16, 2006

Its time to lay down

Back in the day, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Have you heard the new Aerosmith song?

“Cheney’s got a gun/ Lawyers on the run/ Bad jokes just begun/ ‘cause Cheney’s he’s got a gun.”

Vice President Dick Cheney shot a lawyer. There will be no criminal investigation because, technically, shooting a lawyer isn’t a crime.

The good news for the American bald Eagle? It is one step closer to being taken off the endangered species list. The bad news? The bald eagle is next on Dick Cheney’s hunting list.

This entire hunting fiasco has been so embarrassing for Cheney, he would give anything for a good old fashioned heart attack right about now.

Things have changed, now we have a vice president killing quail, in 1989 we had a Quayle killing the vice presidency.

Wow, fierce
America’s Johnny Weir is considered flamboyant even for a male figure skater. And that is saying something. That’s like being considered slutty even for Paris Hilton.  

This Weir guy is gayer than Clay Aiken singing “Somewhere over the Rainbow.”

Unfair advantage
The Olympic downhill winner was France’s Antoine Deneraiz. It wasn’t really fair how they got the French guy to win. Before the race started they told Antoine the German army was marching up the other side of the mountain.

How did you do on Valentines Day? Guys, nothing shows your girl you love her quite like shooting a lawyer full of buckshot.

Wayne Gretzky’s wife, Janet Jones, bet $75,000 on the Super Bowl to an illegal betting agency, Jones bet $5,000 on the coin toss alone. Janet bet on tails and won. You hate to see your own wife cheering against head.

I had a rough week, I bet Janet Jones Gretsky a thousand bucks Dick Cheney would shoot a lobbyist instead.

My milkman will be so bummed
Western Union will no longer issue telegrams. I was so shocked to hear this I nearly knocked over the butter churner.

Triple Oy vey Lutz
The favorite to win the Olympic gold medal is Sasha Cohen. Figure skating is a little different for Cohen because she’s Jewish. For example, instead of waiting for the judge’s result in the Kiss and Cry room, she goes to the Whine and Complain room.  

That drunk?
The former lead singer for the Christian Rock band Creed, Scott Stapp, was arrested for being too drunk to get on a flight in Los Angeles. To give you an idea how drunk he was, Stapp was even drunker than the pilots.