Its time to lay down
Have a good day and step off wit’ yo’ good foot now, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Groundhog Day
Groundhog Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow, a sign that there'll be six more weeks of winter. And NBC’s peacock saw his shadow so there will be six more weeks of “Joey.”
How gay are they?
"'Brokeback Mountain' received eight nominations, Phillip Seymour Hoffman was nominated for his portrayal of Truman Capote, and Felicity Huffman was nominated for playing a transsexual. These Oscars are so gay they are giving a lifetime achievement award to Richard Simmons.
Yuck
The Kentucky Derby will have a sponsor for the first time, striking a deal with a fast-food restaurant company that owns Taco Bell. In addition, Taco Bell will soon unveil their new burrito: El Cabillo Lento. The slow horse.
No go
The Kentucky Derby will have a sponsor for the first time, striking a deal with a fast-food restaurant company that owns Taco Bell. I guess the deal with Elmers Glue fell through.
So we are right back where we started
On this date in 1848 the Mexican-American war ended with a treaty that Mexico had to give the United States Arizona, Texas, Nevada, Utah, New Mexico and California. And as of the last census poll, Mexico has taken them all back.
Ouch
In San Diego’s Wild Animal park, a lion cub has bonded and plays with a Mastiff puppy. The bad news is the lion cub can get a little rough; the good news is they don’t have to worry about clipping the Mastiff’s tail.
A little differant
Groundhog Day in Hollywood is a little different. The groundhog pops out and, if he sees his shadow, he is going to star in a gay-themed movie for six weeks.
Not since then, huh?
More European newspapers are printing cartoons depicting prophet Muhammad causing fury across the Muslim world. There haven’t been this many people mad at a cartoon since Charlie Brown had Snoopy fixed.
Apparently showing a caricature of Muhammad is considered blasphemous and infuriates devout Muslims. Sort of like how everything else infuriates devout Muslims.
“You put carrots in peas? Why you are a Muslim blasphemer evil infidel.”
How in the world do devout Muslims keep track of all of the things that infuriate them?
Super Food
Do you know what the number one choice of food is for the Super Bowl? Pizza. Do you know what the least popular food is for the Super Bowl? A bucket of the Colonel’s Bird flu wings.
Did I really write a knock knock joke?
More European newspapers are printing cartoons depicting prophet Muhammad causing fury across the Muslim world. If they don’t like that cartoon, they aren’t going to like my Knock Knock joke. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Muhammad. Muhammad who? Last year’s Super Bowl I was so drunk, I couldn’t have been mo’ hammad.”
Bad robot
Sony is putting their robot dog, Aibo to sleep. Sony lost money on the robot dog so they are stopping production. It turns out Aibo couldn’t be house trained and kept piddling oil on the floor.
Sony is putting their robot dog, Aibo to sleep. They were losing money on the robot dog so Sony stopped production. Apparently sales in parts of Asia fell off when consumers found Aibo was just like a real dog except for one thing: they couldn’t eat it.
Too high Def
Electronic stores are reporting that sales of high def TVs are skyrocketing before the Super Bowl. That is until they see the Rolling Stones at halftime then they’ll run and take them back; “Yeah you got a TV with a little less Def?”
How many appendages?
Steelers safety Troy Polamalu says his long hair has become "like a fifth appendage to me.” His hair is his fifth appendage? Let’s hope, for Troy’s sake, and his wife’s sake, he’s rusty at math.
Steelers safety Troy Polamalu says his long hair has become "like a fifth appendage to me.” For his sake, I hope sure hope Troy means his sixth appendage. But to Troy’s defense, remember he did go to USC so math isn’t his thing.
Fancy talk
James Frey, author of the Oprah endorsed “Million Little Pieces” has admitted he embellished in his memoir. The word embellished, incidentally is an embellished way of saying he lied.
Go see the principal
Hillary Clinton is under criticism from political analysts for chewing gum during the State of the Union speech. In fact, Laura Bush, an old school teacher, asked Hillary; “Did you bring enough for everybody?”
.
Catchy
Be careful if you are traveling to Detroit for the Super Bowl. I don’t want to say Detroit is a tough town, but their tourist motto is “What Happens in Detroit stays in the Detroit Morgue.”
Since you asked:
You can tell a lot about what you think about someone by the way you instantly respond to seeing their name on the caller ID.
We have this one friend who is truly a very good person – she organizes all kinds of functions and events helps with soccer and school activities (here it comes) BUT, she is a no-inhale speed talker. When she gets going fast I can’t hear what she is saying because a, she talks too fast and b, I keep waiting for her to inhale. Honestly, for the harmonica, I want to ask her how she does it.
When she talks on the phone it’s like trying to read captions that are changing way too quickly.
Yesterday the phone rang, I picked up the phone and when her name popped up, you’d have thought the phone had turned into a rattle snake. Ahhhhh, I yelled, and dropped the phone and held my hands up in a little girly-like surrender gesture.
But she is a sweetheart and we are all crazy about her.
(Polite applause)
The 101.5 KGB Chainsaw patented compliment and rip and then compliment.
Groundhog Day
Groundhog Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow, a sign that there'll be six more weeks of winter. And NBC’s peacock saw his shadow so there will be six more weeks of “Joey.”
How gay are they?
"'Brokeback Mountain' received eight nominations, Phillip Seymour Hoffman was nominated for his portrayal of Truman Capote, and Felicity Huffman was nominated for playing a transsexual. These Oscars are so gay they are giving a lifetime achievement award to Richard Simmons.
Yuck
The Kentucky Derby will have a sponsor for the first time, striking a deal with a fast-food restaurant company that owns Taco Bell. In addition, Taco Bell will soon unveil their new burrito: El Cabillo Lento. The slow horse.
No go
The Kentucky Derby will have a sponsor for the first time, striking a deal with a fast-food restaurant company that owns Taco Bell. I guess the deal with Elmers Glue fell through.
So we are right back where we started
On this date in 1848 the Mexican-American war ended with a treaty that Mexico had to give the United States Arizona, Texas, Nevada, Utah, New Mexico and California. And as of the last census poll, Mexico has taken them all back.
Ouch
In San Diego’s Wild Animal park, a lion cub has bonded and plays with a Mastiff puppy. The bad news is the lion cub can get a little rough; the good news is they don’t have to worry about clipping the Mastiff’s tail.
A little differant
Groundhog Day in Hollywood is a little different. The groundhog pops out and, if he sees his shadow, he is going to star in a gay-themed movie for six weeks.
Not since then, huh?
More European newspapers are printing cartoons depicting prophet Muhammad causing fury across the Muslim world. There haven’t been this many people mad at a cartoon since Charlie Brown had Snoopy fixed.
Apparently showing a caricature of Muhammad is considered blasphemous and infuriates devout Muslims. Sort of like how everything else infuriates devout Muslims.
“You put carrots in peas? Why you are a Muslim blasphemer evil infidel.”
How in the world do devout Muslims keep track of all of the things that infuriate them?
Super Food
Do you know what the number one choice of food is for the Super Bowl? Pizza. Do you know what the least popular food is for the Super Bowl? A bucket of the Colonel’s Bird flu wings.
Did I really write a knock knock joke?
More European newspapers are printing cartoons depicting prophet Muhammad causing fury across the Muslim world. If they don’t like that cartoon, they aren’t going to like my Knock Knock joke. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Muhammad. Muhammad who? Last year’s Super Bowl I was so drunk, I couldn’t have been mo’ hammad.”
Bad robot
Sony is putting their robot dog, Aibo to sleep. Sony lost money on the robot dog so they are stopping production. It turns out Aibo couldn’t be house trained and kept piddling oil on the floor.
Sony is putting their robot dog, Aibo to sleep. They were losing money on the robot dog so Sony stopped production. Apparently sales in parts of Asia fell off when consumers found Aibo was just like a real dog except for one thing: they couldn’t eat it.
Too high Def
Electronic stores are reporting that sales of high def TVs are skyrocketing before the Super Bowl. That is until they see the Rolling Stones at halftime then they’ll run and take them back; “Yeah you got a TV with a little less Def?”
How many appendages?
Steelers safety Troy Polamalu says his long hair has become "like a fifth appendage to me.” His hair is his fifth appendage? Let’s hope, for Troy’s sake, and his wife’s sake, he’s rusty at math.
Steelers safety Troy Polamalu says his long hair has become "like a fifth appendage to me.” For his sake, I hope sure hope Troy means his sixth appendage. But to Troy’s defense, remember he did go to USC so math isn’t his thing.
Fancy talk
James Frey, author of the Oprah endorsed “Million Little Pieces” has admitted he embellished in his memoir. The word embellished, incidentally is an embellished way of saying he lied.
Go see the principal
Hillary Clinton is under criticism from political analysts for chewing gum during the State of the Union speech. In fact, Laura Bush, an old school teacher, asked Hillary; “Did you bring enough for everybody?”
.
Catchy
Be careful if you are traveling to Detroit for the Super Bowl. I don’t want to say Detroit is a tough town, but their tourist motto is “What Happens in Detroit stays in the Detroit Morgue.”
Since you asked:
You can tell a lot about what you think about someone by the way you instantly respond to seeing their name on the caller ID.
We have this one friend who is truly a very good person – she organizes all kinds of functions and events helps with soccer and school activities (here it comes) BUT, she is a no-inhale speed talker. When she gets going fast I can’t hear what she is saying because a, she talks too fast and b, I keep waiting for her to inhale. Honestly, for the harmonica, I want to ask her how she does it.
When she talks on the phone it’s like trying to read captions that are changing way too quickly.
Yesterday the phone rang, I picked up the phone and when her name popped up, you’d have thought the phone had turned into a rattle snake. Ahhhhh, I yelled, and dropped the phone and held my hands up in a little girly-like surrender gesture.
But she is a sweetheart and we are all crazy about her.
(Polite applause)
The 101.5 KGB Chainsaw patented compliment and rip and then compliment.
posted by Alex at
12:19 PM
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