Its time to lay down
Tsavo Lions is my new Raggae band. Oh, we gonna stir it up, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Super Duper
During the start of the Super Bowl, Gillette had a commercial for their new fusion which has five blades. And by the fourth quarter, a commercial showed the fusion had eight blades.
How needs five blades on their razor? Does anyone grow a five o’clock shadow on their DNA?
Seattle Flew
In the Super Bowl, the Pittsburgh Steelers beat the Seattle Seahawks 21-10. This did not sit well with Seahawks fans in Seattle. After the game there were reports of overturned Lattes, bottles of wine were needlessly sent back and there were flat out refusals of fresh ground pepper.
Super Bowl XL, does it come in a different size?
In the Super Bowl, the Pittsburgh Steelers beat the Seattle Seahawks 21-10. There was a touching moment when the two quarterbacks, Ben Rothelsberger and Matt Hasselback hugged after the game. Hollywood is going to make a movie about it: “Hasselback Mountain.”
In the Super Bowl, the Pittsburgh Steelers beat the Seattle Seahawks 21-10. The Seahawks were the victims of three at least three big bad calls. In fact, I haven’t seen an NFL team get this screwed since the Minnesota Vikings stepped on a yacht.
There were a lot of bad calls during the Super Bowl. How bad were the officials? Pre-game performer Stevie Wonder could have made better calls.
Today, the Monday after the Super Bowl, is the day of the highest work absenteeism. People just simply do not show up to do what they are paid to do. Kind of like the Seattle Seahawks receivers in the Super Bowl.
The Super Bowl officiating was terrible. Did you see when they disallowed a Seahawks touchdown for offensive interference because they said the receiver pushed off? He hardly touched the guy. Maybe that was a push off on Brokeback Mountain, but not the Super Bowl.
To be candid, like a lot of people, I’m a little tired after the Super Bowl party. I need a good night’s sleep. Like the referees had during the Super Bowl.
Did you see the Budweiser commercial where the shorn sheep streaked the Clydesdales football game? That was so funny the “Brokeback Mountain” guys laughed so hard they fell off their gay cowboy.
And Ted Kennedy
The day after a huge loss for house majority leader, Republican Missouri congressman Roy Blunt Jr. blamed the loss on the media. Yeah, in fact, Blunt whined and complained so much about losing the vote, Al Gore and John Kerry named him an honorary democrat.
Back to basics
A Phoenix man is auctioning off personal items of Paris Hilton’s including her diary. The items also include more Paris Hilton sex videos. It always good to see a celebrity return to the strengths that made them famous.
The items also include Paris’s sex toys. And the auction price includes a thorough disinfecting.
A Phoenix man is auctioning off personal items of Paris Hilton’s including her diary. There are some surprising Diary entries. “American Idol” loser William Hung? He ain’t.
A Phoenix man is auctioning off personal items of Paris Hilton’s including her diary. Paris’s diary has a lot of interesting entries. Just like Paris.
The Paris Hilton diary has some fascinating entries. Larry King? A tiger in the sack.
The Paris Hilton diary has some embarrassing entries. Apparently Paris once flew to the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona Spain because she heard there were lots of horny guys.
The auction includes a pair of panties Paris wore. In fact, the only panties Paris ever wore.
Hate to hear this
Some sad news, Lance Armstrong and Sheryl Crow have split up. You could see this coming. When Lance retired he said he just wanted to lie around and drink beer while his wife performed. If Sheryl wanted a guy like that she would have married Kevin Federline.
That is sad, Lance is crazy about Sheryl, in fact, he is just plain nut about her.
NFL facts
Although the names Steelers and Seahawks don’t really mean anything, it’s not unusual for an NFL team to be named after a fictional character. For example, the Minnesota Vikings aren’t a bunch of thugs who go on boats to drink and maraud. OK, bad example.
A town in Pennsylvania has changed their name from Washington to Steeler to show support for the Pittsburgh Steelers in Super Bowl XL. And in Texas, to show support for the Houston Texans, a town has changed their name to Pathetic.
The 2006 Winter Olympics in Torino, Italy begin Friday. Have you seen the men’s double luge? Two guys lie on top of each other on a tiny sled. That’s not an Olympic event, that’s a drunken bet that started at the top of “Brokeback Mountain.”
It was a little awkward, when they asked President Bush if he would be going to Torino, he said; “No, but I once drove a Ford Taurus.”
The Paris Hilton diary is authentic. She signs off every entry with her own personal X.
At the Super Bowl Terry Bradshaw was supposed to be introduced with all of the other Super Bowl MVPs, but Terry didn’t show up. He just did not show up at the Super Bowl. Just like the Seattle Seahawk receivers, they just did not show up at the Super Bowl.
At the Super Bowl Terry was supposed to be introduced with all of the other Super Bowl MVPs, but Terry didn’t show up. He just did not show up at the Super Bowl. Just like the Seattle Seahawk receivers, they just did not show up at the Super Bowl.
What could Terry Bradshaw have been doing that was more important than being introduced as a Super Bowl MVP? We know he wasn’t getting his hair cut.
What could Terry Bradshaw have been doing that was more important than being introduced as a MVP at the Super Bowl? Was he too busy getting married and divorced again?
Let’s all pray Terry wasn’t busy making another country album.
Since you asked:
My comedy writing pal Jim Barach reminded me of a story worth re-telling. Apologies if you know it.
My buddy Bryan was working for a very high profile investment marketing company in L.A.. They go out and promote a companies stock to get large money management investors to but it, thus increasing the value. So image is everything for this company.
One day I call and my buddy’s new secretary, Slatvena, answered with her very thick Russian accent. I asked;
“Could I talk to Bryan?”
“No, Bryan is being in how-you-say wery, wery important meeting vith clients.”
That is when the evil light bulb went off in my head. With the earnestness of Keifer Sutherland’s Jack Bauer character in “24” I say;
“Slatvena, this is highly important, trust me, I can’t explain why, but you most interrupt the meeting and say exactly what I tell you to say word for word. Lives could be at stake.”
After being instructed by me as to what to say, in a panic, Slatvena bursts into the boardroom and yells;
“Emergency, emergency, everybody is to be going overboard, Mooses and Squirrels first.”
Since you asked, 2:
Every now and then an event comes along that provides us with a barometer for who is a-hole and who isn’t. The people who love to criticize the Rolling Stones’ Super Bowl halftime performance is a good example.
The people who criticized the Stones performance are jerks. Plain and simple. Are the Stones 62? Yes. Are they young? No. Do they still perform well? Yes. Would I have chosen “Start Me Up” “Rough Justice” and (I can’t get no) “Satisfaction” as their three songs? No, no, maybe.
But after seeing them in concert in San Diego where they played one of my all time favorites, “Midnight Rambler” that they rarely play and “Honky Tonk Woman” “Tumblin’ Dice” and a few other gems from “Sticky Fingers” as well as their standards, “Brown Sugar” “Jumping Jack Flash” my wife and I sat up in our hotel room playing songs for two hours that they didn’t play. A Stones concert could be eight hours long.
The Stones did a great job at halftime. They rocked the Super Bowl like they rock everyplace else they perform. And they looked good. Keith may have been a little over-served beforehand, but who wasn’t? It’s the Super Bowl.
Super Duper
During the start of the Super Bowl, Gillette had a commercial for their new fusion which has five blades. And by the fourth quarter, a commercial showed the fusion had eight blades.
How needs five blades on their razor? Does anyone grow a five o’clock shadow on their DNA?
Seattle Flew
In the Super Bowl, the Pittsburgh Steelers beat the Seattle Seahawks 21-10. This did not sit well with Seahawks fans in Seattle. After the game there were reports of overturned Lattes, bottles of wine were needlessly sent back and there were flat out refusals of fresh ground pepper.
Super Bowl XL, does it come in a different size?
In the Super Bowl, the Pittsburgh Steelers beat the Seattle Seahawks 21-10. There was a touching moment when the two quarterbacks, Ben Rothelsberger and Matt Hasselback hugged after the game. Hollywood is going to make a movie about it: “Hasselback Mountain.”
In the Super Bowl, the Pittsburgh Steelers beat the Seattle Seahawks 21-10. The Seahawks were the victims of three at least three big bad calls. In fact, I haven’t seen an NFL team get this screwed since the Minnesota Vikings stepped on a yacht.
There were a lot of bad calls during the Super Bowl. How bad were the officials? Pre-game performer Stevie Wonder could have made better calls.
Today, the Monday after the Super Bowl, is the day of the highest work absenteeism. People just simply do not show up to do what they are paid to do. Kind of like the Seattle Seahawks receivers in the Super Bowl.
The Super Bowl officiating was terrible. Did you see when they disallowed a Seahawks touchdown for offensive interference because they said the receiver pushed off? He hardly touched the guy. Maybe that was a push off on Brokeback Mountain, but not the Super Bowl.
To be candid, like a lot of people, I’m a little tired after the Super Bowl party. I need a good night’s sleep. Like the referees had during the Super Bowl.
Did you see the Budweiser commercial where the shorn sheep streaked the Clydesdales football game? That was so funny the “Brokeback Mountain” guys laughed so hard they fell off their gay cowboy.
And Ted Kennedy
The day after a huge loss for house majority leader, Republican Missouri congressman Roy Blunt Jr. blamed the loss on the media. Yeah, in fact, Blunt whined and complained so much about losing the vote, Al Gore and John Kerry named him an honorary democrat.
Back to basics
A Phoenix man is auctioning off personal items of Paris Hilton’s including her diary. The items also include more Paris Hilton sex videos. It always good to see a celebrity return to the strengths that made them famous.
The items also include Paris’s sex toys. And the auction price includes a thorough disinfecting.
A Phoenix man is auctioning off personal items of Paris Hilton’s including her diary. There are some surprising Diary entries. “American Idol” loser William Hung? He ain’t.
A Phoenix man is auctioning off personal items of Paris Hilton’s including her diary. Paris’s diary has a lot of interesting entries. Just like Paris.
The Paris Hilton diary has some fascinating entries. Larry King? A tiger in the sack.
The Paris Hilton diary has some embarrassing entries. Apparently Paris once flew to the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona Spain because she heard there were lots of horny guys.
The auction includes a pair of panties Paris wore. In fact, the only panties Paris ever wore.
Hate to hear this
Some sad news, Lance Armstrong and Sheryl Crow have split up. You could see this coming. When Lance retired he said he just wanted to lie around and drink beer while his wife performed. If Sheryl wanted a guy like that she would have married Kevin Federline.
That is sad, Lance is crazy about Sheryl, in fact, he is just plain nut about her.
NFL facts
Although the names Steelers and Seahawks don’t really mean anything, it’s not unusual for an NFL team to be named after a fictional character. For example, the Minnesota Vikings aren’t a bunch of thugs who go on boats to drink and maraud. OK, bad example.
A town in Pennsylvania has changed their name from Washington to Steeler to show support for the Pittsburgh Steelers in Super Bowl XL. And in Texas, to show support for the Houston Texans, a town has changed their name to Pathetic.
The 2006 Winter Olympics in Torino, Italy begin Friday. Have you seen the men’s double luge? Two guys lie on top of each other on a tiny sled. That’s not an Olympic event, that’s a drunken bet that started at the top of “Brokeback Mountain.”
It was a little awkward, when they asked President Bush if he would be going to Torino, he said; “No, but I once drove a Ford Taurus.”
The Paris Hilton diary is authentic. She signs off every entry with her own personal X.
At the Super Bowl Terry Bradshaw was supposed to be introduced with all of the other Super Bowl MVPs, but Terry didn’t show up. He just did not show up at the Super Bowl. Just like the Seattle Seahawk receivers, they just did not show up at the Super Bowl.
At the Super Bowl Terry was supposed to be introduced with all of the other Super Bowl MVPs, but Terry didn’t show up. He just did not show up at the Super Bowl. Just like the Seattle Seahawk receivers, they just did not show up at the Super Bowl.
What could Terry Bradshaw have been doing that was more important than being introduced as a Super Bowl MVP? We know he wasn’t getting his hair cut.
What could Terry Bradshaw have been doing that was more important than being introduced as a MVP at the Super Bowl? Was he too busy getting married and divorced again?
Let’s all pray Terry wasn’t busy making another country album.
Since you asked:
My comedy writing pal Jim Barach reminded me of a story worth re-telling. Apologies if you know it.
My buddy Bryan was working for a very high profile investment marketing company in L.A.. They go out and promote a companies stock to get large money management investors to but it, thus increasing the value. So image is everything for this company.
One day I call and my buddy’s new secretary, Slatvena, answered with her very thick Russian accent. I asked;
“Could I talk to Bryan?”
“No, Bryan is being in how-you-say wery, wery important meeting vith clients.”
That is when the evil light bulb went off in my head. With the earnestness of Keifer Sutherland’s Jack Bauer character in “24” I say;
“Slatvena, this is highly important, trust me, I can’t explain why, but you most interrupt the meeting and say exactly what I tell you to say word for word. Lives could be at stake.”
After being instructed by me as to what to say, in a panic, Slatvena bursts into the boardroom and yells;
“Emergency, emergency, everybody is to be going overboard, Mooses and Squirrels first.”
Since you asked, 2:
Every now and then an event comes along that provides us with a barometer for who is a-hole and who isn’t. The people who love to criticize the Rolling Stones’ Super Bowl halftime performance is a good example.
The people who criticized the Stones performance are jerks. Plain and simple. Are the Stones 62? Yes. Are they young? No. Do they still perform well? Yes. Would I have chosen “Start Me Up” “Rough Justice” and (I can’t get no) “Satisfaction” as their three songs? No, no, maybe.
But after seeing them in concert in San Diego where they played one of my all time favorites, “Midnight Rambler” that they rarely play and “Honky Tonk Woman” “Tumblin’ Dice” and a few other gems from “Sticky Fingers” as well as their standards, “Brown Sugar” “Jumping Jack Flash” my wife and I sat up in our hotel room playing songs for two hours that they didn’t play. A Stones concert could be eight hours long.
The Stones did a great job at halftime. They rocked the Super Bowl like they rock everyplace else they perform. And they looked good. Keith may have been a little over-served beforehand, but who wasn’t? It’s the Super Bowl.
posted by Alex at
6:54 AM
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