Get that weekend jac

Get that weekend jacked up, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers



Catching
This “Brokeback Mountain” gay theme is spreading. After the Osama bin Laden audio threat our terror alert isn’t at yellow, we changed it to Chartreuse.


Osama bin Laden made another audio tape threatening the United States. Apparently Osama was furious how “My Name is Earl” was shunned at the Golden Globes.


How cold is it?
It has been cold. It has been so cold I’ve been shaking like Drew Barrymore’s stylist after the Golden Globes.


Muslim comedy?
Albert Brooks is starring in a movie titled; “Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World.” There is a lot of comedy in the Muslim world. For example: “Knock, knock.” “Who’s there?” “al-Be D’hamid.” “al-Be D’hamid who?” “al-Be D’hamid if you didn’t just knock on a cave.”


The National Enquirer says Michael Jackson may convert to Islam. If Michael thought he had it tough in the US as a poor black boy, wait until he experiences life in the Muslim world as a rich white woman.


The latest is that Michael Jackson may convert to Islam. So much for “Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World.” There it is.


Albert Brooks is starring in a movie titled; “Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World.” There is a lot of comedy in the Muslim world: A camel walks into a bar. Bartender says, “What will you have?” The camel says, “There is no alcohol allowed in Islam, you vile infidel devil.”


There is a lot of comedy in the Muslim world. Did you hear about the dyslexic suicide bomber? He went to the explode and marketed himself.


There is a lot of comedy in the Muslim world. What did the suicide bomber say to the other suicide bomber? “Is it just me or do I have the ugliest 73 virgins in heaven?”


Roll back the clock
Aaron Neville, Aretha Franklin, Stevie Wonder and the Rolling Stones will perform at the Super Bowl. Now, I don’t want to say these acts are dated, but this would be the perfect lineup for the Super Bowl if it featured the Los Angeles Rams versus the Baltimore Colts


Sure sign
They now think that the Chinese discovered America, not Christopher Columbus; finally, this explains all of the Chinese menus Columbus found lying around.


Not good
William Shatner auctioned off his kidney stone for $25,000. Let’s hope this doesn’t give Shatner any bright ideas after his hemorrhoid procedure.

Angie’s peeves
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are pregnant. It hasn’t been all smooth sailing for Brad and
Angelina. For example, Angelina isn’t thrilled about Brad’s “I Heart Jennifer” ass tattoo.


That explains it
“Variety” says the latest trend in Hollywood is gay themed movies. This explains the sequel “Dude, Where’s My Carpet?”


Muslim comedy
Albert Brooks is starring in a movie titled; “Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World.” There is a lot of comedy in the Muslim world. Did you hear the suicide bomber limerick?


Roses are red
Violets are blue
Just like me in bed
My bomb went off early too.


Classics made fierce
Because of all the awards given to “Brokeback Mountain” Hollywood is in love with gay-themed movies. Now they want to go back and remake movie classics but with a gay theme.


“The Godfather” would be “The God, Who’s Your Daddy?”


“The African Queen” would be “The West Hollywood Queen”

The Holiday classic “It’s a Wonderful Life” would be “It’s a Fabulous Lifestyle”


“The Wizard of Oz” would be, well, that would still be “The Wizard of Oz.”


And “Jaws” would be “Throat”


How did that happen?
CBS news legend Walter Cronkite is getting married again at 89; how on earth did Anna Nicole Smith miss him?

The wedding vows were written by the makers of Viagra.


Weak link
According to rumors, Ted Kennedy may have had a child out of wedlock; if Ted Kennedy named his dog Splash, what’s he going to name this kid, Boink?


Finally
In sad news, Soul legend Wilson Pickett passed away. Services will be late Saturday night, fittingly, they’re going to wait ‘til the midnight hour.