Monday, January 30, 2006

Its time to lay down

We gonna track down the smack down in the brizzizzy, my famizzy, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

It’s official
Tiger Woods won the Buick Open at Torrey Pines. On Sunday Tiger won wearing a salmon colored shirt. Salmon? It’s official this “Brokeback Mountain” thing has gone too far.  

Have you seen the ads for Emma Thompson’s “Nanny McPhee”? Emma Thompson was made up so ugly, Prince Charles married her.

Over the top?
Prince Charles warned the English that if they did not start exercising more, they could become as fat as Americans; to which Americans replied, “We can always lose weight, Chuckie, but you’ll always look like a Basset hound’s scrotum.”

Maybe Americans are heavier than the British; weight gain can occur when you actually have functioning teeth.

Motor City Madness
It will be interesting having the Super Bowl in Detroit. The City’s Motto is “Detroit: You can’t spell it without a riot.”

Not clear on the concept
The author of “A Million Little Pieces”, James Frey, is still in trouble over fabricated items in his memoirs. And I don’t think Frey has learned his lesson. Today Frey unveiled his latest book; “How I Bitch-Slapped Harry Potter.”

Looking back, we could have guessed the book was not all true. The forward was written by Darth Vader.

The book “A Million Little Pieces” draws into question the difference between embellishing and lying; for example, if I said that Camilla Parker Bowles is fairly attractive, that’s embellishing, but if I say Camilla Parker Bowles is a woman, now that’s lying.

Oprah was furious at James Frey. I haven’t seen Oprah this mad since the Treasury Department rejected putting her face on the Million dollar bill.

The author of “A Million Little Pieces”, James Frey, had to appear on “Oprah” and explain to the furious host the fabricated items in his memoirs. How would you like to have been that guy? It’s like being sent to the principal on national TV.

Who’s on Mecca?
In Palestine, Fatah’s leader, Mahmoud Abbas, lost the election to the militant Hamas. In short, Fatah’s Abbas lost to Hamas, thus creating the first ever Arab “Who’s on first?” routine.

Butch, you are so fierce today, stop it
“Brokeback Mountain” won the directors guild award. Can you imagine if other westerns were gay-themed? In “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid” instead of “Who are those guys?” It would have been “I wish I could quit those guys.”