Saturday, December 24, 2005

Oh yeah we gonna sta

Merry Christmas, Slats and Nuggies and Happy Holidays and a Happy Chanukah and a Happy New Year and a Happy Kwanza, and a Happy Festivus. Or is it a Merry Festivus? I can never remember.  Thanks for checking in.  

Happy Holiday Eve everybody.

It turns out the amount of wire tapping by the NSA without warrants was much larger than the White House suggested. In their defense, the White House claims they were just trying to help Santa confirm his naughty and nice list.  

Did everyone have a good Christmas? My Christmas was a little rough. Santa Claus couldn’t climb down my chimney, Kevin Federline was crashing in it.

Any last minute Christmas shoppers? Next year, don’t forget: Seven Eleven is always open and they now serve sushi. Nothing says Christmas quite like a three day old spicy tuna roll.

‘Tis the Season
Britney Spears is suing “US Weekly” over a story that she and Kevin Federline are worried about their raunchy bedroom video getting on the Internet; and let’s face it, nothing says the holiday spirit quite like suing a sleazy tabloid over a nasty sex video.

Witnesses say Britney Spears and Kevin Federline had a huge fight while in a theater to see “Memoirs of a Geisha.” Britney got upset when the movie showed that men pay women to have sex. Kevin told Britney it was the other way around.

Have you seen the Burger King commercials with that weird King? Has anyone told Burger King that their commercial King is absolutely the creepiest thing in the entire world? Honestly, that Burger King King makes the evil doll Chuckie look like a choir boy.

A hard lesson
It was sad to hear that Fox NFL announcer Terry Bradshaw’s Texas house burned to the ground; poor Terry, he had to learn the hard way that flammable and inflammable are the same thing.

Fire marshals are inspecting the cause of the Terry Bradshaw house fire. The one thing they know that did not cause the fire? A hair dryer.

Do the math
Canada has passed a law making group sex legal in nightclubs; group sex isn’t easy, instead of fore play you have to deal with twenty four play.

Women, you might not be in for a great New Year if your husband tells you he wants to take you to “Brokeback Mountain” and that then he has a surprise to tell you.