Oh yeah we gonna sta

Oh, snapizzy my mizzy fizzy, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Transit schmansit
The transit strike in New York is in its third day; it is so bad I saw one guy riding to work in a carriage drawn by rats.


Same deal
Bearded Boston Red Sox slugger Johnny Damon has signed a deal with the New York Yankees, but Yankee owner George Steinbrenner insists Damon shave his beard; it’s essentially the same deal Prince Charles has with Camilla Parker Bowles.


Set’s the holiday tone
One of the hot Christmas presents this year is a certificate for plastic surgery; and let’s face it, nothing expresses the holiday spirit quite like the gift that says; “Lose the big honker, Bozo.”


Experienced
Elton John and David Furnish got married in the same 17th Century hall as Camilla Parker Bowles and Prince Charles; so this marks the second time a same-sex couple was married there.


How big were they?
There were huge waves up and down the coast of California today; the waves were so big, the celebrity seaside town of Malibu declared Pamela Anderson a floatation device.


Transit Plans it
The transit strike in New York is in its third day; even to get into Manhattan you have to have at least four passengers in your car; four passengers or one opera tenor Luciano Pavarotti


The Transit strike is so bad that, instead of the Empire State building, King Kong was stuck scaling a rock-climbing wall at the YMCA in Bensonhurst.


The transit strike is so bad New York commuters are so desperate they are putting on blonde wigs so King Kong will carry them into Manhattan.


The transit strike in New York is so bad Donald Trump fired five limo drivers on his commute to work.


The transit strike in New York is in its third day and it is reported that some New Yorkers are losing their patience; that is shocking, I had no idea any New Yorker had any patience to lose.


The New York cab drivers are working so hard, to stay awake, they are stocking their turbans with Red Bull.



Uh, no Sir, that’s not, oh forget it
It was a little awkward when the NFL presented President Bush a Super Bowl XL t-shirt; Bush asked; “Does this come in a smaller size than XL?”


Um, at this juncture would it be appropriate if I just said, eww?
The transit strike in New York was so bad commuters were getting screwed more than Elton John on his honeymoon.


Take that back
At his trial in Iraq, Saddam Hussein called U.S. leaders liars; ouch, that has to hurt being called a liar by a homicidal psychotic.


Sir PMS
Elton John called Madonna “a miserable cow” for refusing to sing at his bachelor party; apparently marriage hasn’t helped Elton deal with his menopause.


Not good, no
Britain announced Prince William will undergo military training; I’m not sure about the quality of military training that Britain’s Prince William is getting; so far he is scheduled to spend one year blowing off the Texas Air National Guard.

Better title
The gay cowboy movie “Brokeback Mountain” has climbed from 15th to 8th at the box office; in retrospect, it was good they named it ‘Brokeback Mountain” I don’t think their other title idea would have worked:, “Dude, Where’s My Horse?”

The gay cowboy movie “Brokeback Mountain” has climbed from 15th to 8th at the box office; in retrospect, it was good they named it ‘Brokeback Mountain” I don’t think their other title idea would have worked: “The Lone Rump Ranger.”


Back to Sir Dame Elton
Elton John called Madonna “a miserable cow” for refusing to sing at his bachelor party; you’d think Madonna and Elton John would get along, they have so much in common: They are both temperamental pop icons with an annoying British accent currently experiencing menopause.


Did you hear about Elton John’s bachelor party? It was held in a gay bar and it was packed. There were four guys for every upside down bar stool.


So mean, she seems like a lovely woman
In 17 zoos in North America, a study is being done on female gorillas undergoing menopause. The female gorillas undergoing menopause have hot flashes, irritability and in one case it married Prince Charles.

Again with the mean?
On “The View” Joy Behar got into a huge fight with Star Jones over religion. It seems Behar’s Jewish beliefs only allow her to eat Kosher food, and Star’s religious beliefs only allow her to eat fudge.


Again with the Transit strike?
The transit strike in New York was in its third day; it was so bad in Manhattan you could only get a cab driver to stop if you were a current member of al Qaeda.