Friday, October 21, 2005

Roller Coaster. Say what? Roller Coaster. Say What? Roller Coaster, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Marinated with sautéed wild mushrooms
Sadly, a Rancho Santa Fe man died from injuries sustained from a deer attack in his backyard. Memorial services will be held today immediately followed by a reception featuring grilled venison.

To prepare for a NASCAR movie, comedian Will Ferrell drove 135 mph with Richard Petty. His goal was to top Britney Spears 123 mph performance. Ferrell was unable, however, to beat Paris Hilton’s performance: Paris didn’t drive faster, but she could shift the gears with her mouth.

Get it?
In an interview with “Sixty Minutes” Michael Jordan admitted being stupid in his gambling. How stupid? His favorite game is 22.

The right guy for the job
The NBA has a new strict dress code, no bling, no gangsta’ wear, no backward caps. And the NBA is serious about this, to show the players how to dress like a dorky white guy they hired an expert: Al Gore.

New meaning to rub some funk on it
A British company is developing a way for breast implants to store and replay music; in a related story, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he is launching a side career as a dance DJ.

Long time ago
The Houston Astros will face the Chicago White Sox in the World Series. The Chicago White Sox haven’t won a World Series since 1917. To show how long ago that was, in 1917 Joan Rivers hadn’t even had any cosmetic surgery.

Nice try
David Copperfield claims he is going to get a woman pregnant on stage without touching her. In a related story, a judge told Copperfield; “Nice try, but you still have to pay the palimony.”

We can only hope
The Pentagon reports they have captured Osama Bin Laden’s barber. And not to get everyone’s hopes up, but they are also reportedly closing in on Osama’s Palates instructor.

More or less
President Bush has declared war on pornography. Luckily for Bush, this war comes with its own exit strategy of about two minutes.

How do you fight the war on pornography? With an Army of one hand.

Have you seen this Earth You can type in an address and it will zoom in from a satellite view of that very spot. It’s amazing. I zoomed into Central Park so close I actually got mugged.

Have you seen this Earth You can type in an address and it will zoom in from a satellite view of that very spot. It’s amazing. You can zoom into Paris so close you can actually smell the Parisians.’

Hurricane Wilma looks pretty scary. To give you an idea how scary, hurricane Wilma blew down the backyard fence when chatting to hurricane Betty Rubble.

The name game
There have been so many hurricanes this season they are running out of names. In fact, the next hurricane will be known as the hurricane formerly known as hurricane.

The Name Game 2
Rapper Sean Combs has been called Puff Daddy, Sean “Puffy” Combs, P. Daddy, P. Diddy and now he says he wants to be known as just Diddy. And next month he wants to be called the artist formerly known as Diddy.

Trust me on this one
Saddam Hussein’s trial continues. It doesn’t look good for Saddam but he did receive some good news. Saddam won the annual “Angel” Martin from “Rockford Files” look-alike contest.