Saturday, August 20, 2005

It got to be all like that, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Can’t they all just get along?
Paris Hilton got rid of her little dog Tinkerbell; man, first Nicole Richey, now Tinkerbell, Paris can’t get along with any of her lap dogs.

Not clear on the concept
Supreme Court nominee John Roberts received the highest rating from the American Bar Association; it was awkward, President Bush said that he applauds the American Bar Association, even though he doesn’t drink, Bush still thinks bartenders are good judges of character.

Look at the bright side
Madonna was released from the hospital after suffering numerous fractures from a riding fall. This has to be one of the worst rides Madonna has had since Jose Conseco and Dennis Rodman, on the bright side, the horse didn’t give her a sexually transmitted disease.

Not since then
P. Diddy announced he is just going by Diddy. Diddy is now the most famous celebrity to announce he is dropping the P since June Alyson’s commercials for Depends.

Tough guy
Gladiator is out on DVD and it has many features and added footage: You can see Russell Crowe fight off dozens of muscular gladiators, wrestle a wild tiger, and hit a surly concierge with a phone from twenty feet.

Some nerve
The Kansas City Royals have not won during the entire month of August. They took the entire month off. Who do these guys think they are, George W. Bush?

Sure sign

In Russia, because of a grain shortage, they are feeding confiscated marijuana to cows. How can you tell if a cow is stoned? Instead of Moo, it says Duuude.

In Russia, because of a grain shortage, they are feeding marijuana to cows. What’s that Real California Cheese commercial say? Great cheese comes from happy cows? Look for some spectacular cheese from Russia.

In Russia, because of a grain shortage, they are feeding marijuana to cows. I think it’s affecting the milk, sales of Count Chocula cereal in Russia have skyrocketed.

Turf war
Snoop Doggy Dog sponsors and coaches a youth football team; They are a good team except when they play on Astroturf. Snoop’s team does better on grass.

What’s not to like?
In Sports Illustrated, writer Austin Murphy described a very pleasant mountain bike ride with President Bush on his ranch; of course it’s pleasant, you just sit in the shade and wait for the ambulance to pick up the President after he falls.