What we got here is a passel of rapscallions, reprobates, firebrands, rabble-rousers, ne’er-do-wells, scofflaws, recreants and general backsliders, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

(How cool would it be to get Sam “Meat. It’s what’s for dinner” Elliot to say that? )

Now that’s hot
It was so hot in New York City, Paris Hilton finally got sick of saying “That’s hot.”

Man it was hot in New York. It was so hot, at Madame Toussad’s wax museum, the Shaquille O’Neal statue melted down to a big mound and they had to rename it Star Jones.

I’m tellin’ you it was so hot in New York, at Madame Toussad’s wax museum, the Kirstie Alley statue melted down and they had to rename it Connecticut.

Fight the lumber there so we don’t have to fight it here
A University of Idaho graduate student has developed a process that turns wood into crude oil. Upon hearing this, President Bush announced we are going to invade and liberate the Ace Lumber yard.

Boxing vs. Porn
Mike Tyson recently said that he’s considering starring in a porno movie. The difference for Tyson between porn and boxing, will be that, in boxing, taking a dive is a bad thing.

There it is
President Bush is taking a five-week vacation. Or as he calls it, his Washington D.C. exit strategy.

Curb your carbs
The diet company Atkins filed chapter 11 bankruptcy. To show how broke they are, instead of the low carb diet, Atkins is now using a low curb diet. You eat things you find in the street.

The diet company Atkins filed chapter 11 bankruptcy. You remember the Atkins diet? The way it worked is you lose weight from burning so many calories because of talking endlessly about being on the Atkins diet.

Sounds familiar
In a recent interview, Lance Armstrong said he just wants to lie around the house and drink beer while his singer girlfriend works; at which point Kevin Federline said; “Hey, beat it, I’m working this side of the street.”


In a recent interview, Lance Armstrong said he just wants to lie around the house and drink beer; so that means next year he will compete in the Tour de Federline.


Get it?
People are saying the movie “Dukes of Hazard” is insulting for stereotyping Southerners as stupid hicks. One West Virginia man said his wife and sister were offended. And she usually likes everything.


Scientific proof my daughter has my DNA:

She was on the phone with her Mom and I heard her say;

“Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. I’m going to hang up now because I don’t want to talk anymore. Bye Mom.”Click.

Proof that males and females are a different species:

When opening her birthday presents, Ann Caroline carefully opens the tape and removes the ribbons intact.

P.S. General Backsliders is my new country rock band