We haulin', ballin' and play callin' wit' them firebrands, rapscallions and reprobates now, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Putting the iron in Irony
Congress is going to investigate if Viagra pitchman and Oriole slugger Rafael Palmeiro committed perjury by saying he didn’t take steroids. Can you imagine if Palmeiro is guilty and has to go to prison? Pitching all that Viagra could really come back to haunt him.

It would not be good to meet your cellmate with the phrase “Hi there, I’m an Oriole.”


Tricky
Adidas bought Reebok and are serious about beating shoe giant Nike. Yeah, today to try and steal Kobe Bryant from Nike, Adidas dressed up a contract lawyer as a room service waitress.

Punished
The New York Daily News reports that Martha Stewart’s house arrest will be extended for an extra three weeks. Not to punish Martha, but apparently her estate staff did something wrong.

And the wind cried Harry
According to a new book, Jimi Hendrix got out of going to Vietnam by pretending that he was gay. Yeah, he changed the line in “Purple Haze” from “excuse me while I kiss the sky” to “excuse me while I kiss this guy.”

Apparently he sang “Foxy Lady” to his male recruiting officer.

Tour de Brewski
In a recent interview, Lance Armstrong says now that he's retired he wants to lay around the house all day and drink beer. In a related story Budweiser launched a new “Be Like Lance” commercial.

Sick but true
Have you heard about the latest fad beauty treatment? This is true. People are actually getting the dark skin around their anus bleached white. Yeah, I think the procedure is called a Michael Jackson.


Have you heard about the latest fad beauty treatment? People are actually getting the dark skin around their anus bleached white. One time they used too much bleach. Yeah, it nearly rectum.



That musta been it
The baseball players who tested positive for steroids, Rafael Palmeiro and Ryan Franklin, both claim they accidentally took steroids. How do you suppose that happened? “Oh no, instead of my Flintstone vitamins with calcium, I took the Flintstones vitamins with steroids by mistake.”

Don’t you just hate it when you accidentally sit on a hypodermic needle filled with steroids? I hate that.


Since you asked:

Since the recent Since you asked was pretty much about the wonder of me being me on harmonica, I should bring myself down a peg.

One time a woman called from a band saying they were looking for a harmonica player and had heard I was pretty good. She then asked if I could sing background vocals as well. I turned to my lovely, sweet wife, Virginia, and said;

“They want to know if I can sing background vocals. What should I tell them?”

Virg thought about it a second and said;

“I’d tell them that you are primarily a harmonica player."

Since you asked, dos
Ann Caroline and I play a dumb game I call “I got your bean head.” When we are walking along I will grab the top of her head with one hand and say “I got your bean head.” She will try and wiggle away and they say “No you don’t.” It ain’t gonna replace Texas Hold ‘Em, but it’s cute.

The other day Ann Caroline was deep in thought and I grabbed the top of her head but she didn’t say anything. So I asked “What have I got?” She just sighed and said; “My bean head.”

Oh come on, that’s cute if you imagine the little kid voice.

Seriously, don't make me stop this car.