Who gonna stop this? Who gonna stop this? Oh, no, we ain’t gonna be stopped up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


How hot is . . . it?
It is hot and muggy. I was sweating like Karl Rove being called into the Oval office.

It’s is hot. I’m sweating like Mike Tyson’s first porn partner.

Not sure about your choice on that one, Mike, baby
Mike Tyson said he wants to be porn star. That could be a problem for the director: “Listen Iron Mike, you were doing fine, but when I said give her the money shot, you don’t punch her.”

First Mike Tyson said that, after retiring from boxing, he wanted to be a missionary. Now he says he wants to be a porn star. I guess he meant he wanted to be a porn star specializing in the missionary position.

Get it?
President Bush is delaying making a decision on firing his top aid, Karl Rove, because Rove leaked CIA information to the press. For Bush, it’s a case of Rove vs. Wait.

Good news bad news thang
President Bush nominated John Roberts for the Supreme Court. It’s bitter sweet for Roberts. On one hand, he’s nominated for the highest court in the land; on the other, he was nominated by Bush. That’s like getting a hole-in-one because your ball hit the windmill and went in.


Weighty issue
Twenty percent of all male recruits and forty percent of all female recruits are too fat to serve in the military. I say they should just accept them, and then change their slogan from “An Army of One” to “An Army of One Huge Ass.”

No question about it
In San Diego, Councilman Michael Zucchet was mayor for one day before he was convicted of extortion with a strip club. One day as mayor and the guy is convicted on taking bribes from a strip club. That means just one thing: Zucchet is congressional material.


Oh brother
Loud-mouth Philadelphia Eagles receiver, Terrell Owens, said; “I can’t worry if people hate me, people used to hate on Jesus.” After comparing himself to Jesus, does this mean that now when Owens scores he is going give all praise to himself?

Maybe it’s just me, but if I was a receiver I wouldn’t want to compare myself to a guy with holes in his hands.

Shocking
What is with John Kerry’s face lift? Have you seen him lately? He has the permanent expression of a John who just found out the hooker he was with is a transvestite.



Since you asked;
OK, maybe I didn’t deserve to be Pope being married and not Catholic and all that. But if they wanted to go in different direction than John Paul II, like they said, they couldn’t have done better than me. He spoke ten languages fluently? I barely speak one. He was learned and a poet? Not so much here. He was celibate and chaste? Well, don’t make me bring up my years at Santa Barbara and New York and when I was single in San Diego. No, you couldn’t have gone more in another direction from John Paul II than me.

But now President Bush says he wanted someone for the Supreme Court who wasn’t a judge. Hello? Not being a judge over here. Not even an attorney. Who does he pick? A damn judge.

What does a brother have to do to get a little love light shown on him?