We ain't gonna bring all that mess, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Not a good sign
The Los Angeles Dodgers have lost seven out of eight games. It’s not looking good, at this point the Dodgers are to baseball what Saddam Hussein is to underwear modeling.
A “woo-who” girl hurricane
Hurricane Emily pounded the Mexican resort island of Cozumel this weekend. It was rough, after too many margaritas, hurricane Emily woke up next to a fat, snoring insurance broker from Cleveland named Ralph.
Hurricane Emily pounded the Mexican resort island of Cozumel and is reportedly headed toward Cancun. Apparently Emily is the first hurricane that likes to get drunk on margaritas and have sex with vacationing accountants.
The full treatment
Brad Pitt was released from the hospital last week after contracting viral meningitis. Although there is no specific treatment for viral meningitis, Pitt received pain medication, an I.V. and 37 sponge baths from the nursing staff.
Likely
The New York Post reports that someone is trying to sell a film of Colin Farrell having sex. But like most Colin Ferrell films, it will probably languish at the box office and quickly go to video.
It took some time but, it was bound to happen
Tiger Woods won the British Open. Some attribute Woods resurgence to his re-tooled swing; some say it’s because he’s more relaxed, and I say Woods is playing so well because his marriage to Swedish bikini model Erin Nordegen is now in the “Let’s watch Leno instead” stage.
Same deal
Drew Barrymore says she will quit acting and become a director when her “boobs start sagging.” That’s essentially the same reason Arnold Schwarzenegger became governor.
Coincidence?
Brazilian police say a gang of thieves robbed an armored truck carrying 400 breast implants. In a related story, an anonymous Brazilian gang has applied to open a chain of Hooters restaurants.
Nasty
The Village People cop, Victor Willis, was arrested outside of San Francisco for possession of crack cocaine. That is why he was fired from the Village People, he was into the wrong kind of crack.
Slim and none
There were hundreds of adult “Harry Potter” parties held to celebrate the release of the new “Harry Potter” book over the weekend. “I’ll take “People who have even less of a chance of having sex than Star Trek fans” for 100, Alex.”
Who could have guessed?
Apple is celebrating that iTunes has sold its 500 millionth song. The bad news for Apple? The song was the Critters Buggin’ song titled “Bill Gates.”
Yuck
In general this has been a slow summer at the box office. That one new movie really tanked was the latest Michael Moore documentary: “Things I’ve Found in the Folds of My Fat.”
Since you asked:
This isn’t going to be funny – no big shock there for my regular readers – and I am probably qualified neither as a writer nor a Decathlete, but I wanted to share my amazing multi-event U.C.S.B. reunion this weekend in honor of our Decathlon/Heptathlon coach Sam Adams and his 73’rd birthday.
Sam is arguably the greatest Decathlon/Heptathlon coach that ever lived. Sam has guided all kinds of athletes, from Olympic gold medalists and world record holders down to a certain smart-mouthed knuckle head with a chronically bad hamstring. But no matter who Sam was guiding, Sam always treated everyone the exact same: he treated us perfectly.
Not arguably, and more importantly, Sam Adams is one of the best human beings that ever lived. Period. His influence and inspiration to us multi-event participants at U.C.S.B. in the late seventies and early eighties – quite simply about the finest group of people I have had the honor to know – is immeasurable and ever-lasting. Sam has always done everything with an ethereal sense of nobility, class and grace; now Sam is fighting Alzheimer’s disease with that same nobility, class and grace. It is as inspiring as it is terribly sad.
Sam gave the most touching speech I’ve ever witnessed and all he said was;
“Thank you. You are wonderful people . . .” Sam then had to gather himself, but, in an emotionally strained voice, he finished with four words; “And I love you.”
Nothing will compare to that sight of the best and toughest athletes that ever stepped on a track – men and women still fit, strong and vibrant well into their forties and fifties - all crying at once. That display of respect and love was as wonderful as it was heart breaking.
We love you too, Sam. Always will.
Not a good sign
The Los Angeles Dodgers have lost seven out of eight games. It’s not looking good, at this point the Dodgers are to baseball what Saddam Hussein is to underwear modeling.
A “woo-who” girl hurricane
Hurricane Emily pounded the Mexican resort island of Cozumel this weekend. It was rough, after too many margaritas, hurricane Emily woke up next to a fat, snoring insurance broker from Cleveland named Ralph.
Hurricane Emily pounded the Mexican resort island of Cozumel and is reportedly headed toward Cancun. Apparently Emily is the first hurricane that likes to get drunk on margaritas and have sex with vacationing accountants.
The full treatment
Brad Pitt was released from the hospital last week after contracting viral meningitis. Although there is no specific treatment for viral meningitis, Pitt received pain medication, an I.V. and 37 sponge baths from the nursing staff.
Likely
The New York Post reports that someone is trying to sell a film of Colin Farrell having sex. But like most Colin Ferrell films, it will probably languish at the box office and quickly go to video.
It took some time but, it was bound to happen
Tiger Woods won the British Open. Some attribute Woods resurgence to his re-tooled swing; some say it’s because he’s more relaxed, and I say Woods is playing so well because his marriage to Swedish bikini model Erin Nordegen is now in the “Let’s watch Leno instead” stage.
Same deal
Drew Barrymore says she will quit acting and become a director when her “boobs start sagging.” That’s essentially the same reason Arnold Schwarzenegger became governor.
Coincidence?
Brazilian police say a gang of thieves robbed an armored truck carrying 400 breast implants. In a related story, an anonymous Brazilian gang has applied to open a chain of Hooters restaurants.
Nasty
The Village People cop, Victor Willis, was arrested outside of San Francisco for possession of crack cocaine. That is why he was fired from the Village People, he was into the wrong kind of crack.
Slim and none
There were hundreds of adult “Harry Potter” parties held to celebrate the release of the new “Harry Potter” book over the weekend. “I’ll take “People who have even less of a chance of having sex than Star Trek fans” for 100, Alex.”
Who could have guessed?
Apple is celebrating that iTunes has sold its 500 millionth song. The bad news for Apple? The song was the Critters Buggin’ song titled “Bill Gates.”
Yuck
In general this has been a slow summer at the box office. That one new movie really tanked was the latest Michael Moore documentary: “Things I’ve Found in the Folds of My Fat.”
Since you asked:
This isn’t going to be funny – no big shock there for my regular readers – and I am probably qualified neither as a writer nor a Decathlete, but I wanted to share my amazing multi-event U.C.S.B. reunion this weekend in honor of our Decathlon/Heptathlon coach Sam Adams and his 73’rd birthday.
Sam is arguably the greatest Decathlon/Heptathlon coach that ever lived. Sam has guided all kinds of athletes, from Olympic gold medalists and world record holders down to a certain smart-mouthed knuckle head with a chronically bad hamstring. But no matter who Sam was guiding, Sam always treated everyone the exact same: he treated us perfectly.
Not arguably, and more importantly, Sam Adams is one of the best human beings that ever lived. Period. His influence and inspiration to us multi-event participants at U.C.S.B. in the late seventies and early eighties – quite simply about the finest group of people I have had the honor to know – is immeasurable and ever-lasting. Sam has always done everything with an ethereal sense of nobility, class and grace; now Sam is fighting Alzheimer’s disease with that same nobility, class and grace. It is as inspiring as it is terribly sad.
Sam gave the most touching speech I’ve ever witnessed and all he said was;
“Thank you. You are wonderful people . . .” Sam then had to gather himself, but, in an emotionally strained voice, he finished with four words; “And I love you.”
Nothing will compare to that sight of the best and toughest athletes that ever stepped on a track – men and women still fit, strong and vibrant well into their forties and fifties - all crying at once. That display of respect and love was as wonderful as it was heart breaking.
We love you too, Sam. Always will.
posted by Alex at
2:13 PM
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