This just in:
President Bush is still trying to decide who he wants to nominate for the Supreme Court. Is this really a good idea? I like President Bush, but I get the impression Bush has had to call the 1-800 help number on his shampoo bottle more than a couple of times.

"Yeah, I know it says rinse and repeat, but it don't say how many times."


We gonna bring it. Oh, yes, we gonna bring on home to you, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

How….hot….is it?
It is has been hot lately. I’m sweating like an adult Harry Potter fan asking for a date.

Truth in advertising
Hurricane Emily is growing in strength. In fact, Hurricane Emily is blowing so much they are going to call it Hurricane Paris Hilton.

Not positive here
The new Harry Potter book is out. Harry Potter is 17. I think this one is called “Harry Potter: Give Someone Else a Chance in the Bathroom.”


The new Harry Potter book is out. Harry Potter is 17. In this one Harry uses his magical powers to hide “Playboy” magazines under his mattress.

Good news
In health news, doctors gave Dick Cheney a clean bill of health. They said, theoretically, Cheney could go on to serve even more terms as President.

"Uh, no, Sir, that’s not, oh forget it . . .”
It was embarrassing, when asked about the C.I.A. leaks, they asked President Bush if he thought Karl Rove was duplicitous, Bush said, “No, I think he’s just right handed.”

Or
It was embarrassing, when asked about the C.I.A. leaks, they asked President Bush if he thought Karl Rove was duplicitous, Bush said, “No, I think he’s protestant.”

Not since then, huh?
Karl Rove continues to be grilled about leaking C.I.A. information to the press. The last time there were this many leaks at the White House, Monica Lewinski was wearing a blue dress.


Dirrrrty
Have you seen the video for Jessica Simpson’s “These Boots Are Made For Walking”? It’s pretty wild. Even Christine Aguilera is saying; “Whoa, girlfriend, easy there. Put some clothes on.”

So mean
Camilla Parker Bowles received her own coat of arms Sunday which includes a boar, a lion and a crown. That’s better than the first design that featured a pig, a broken mirror and a head covered with a paper bag.

Shaq atttack
NBA star Shaquille O’Neal has five rap albums out including a greatest hits collection. That’s like Kobe Bryant releasing a book on dating etiquette.

Or
NBA star Shaquille O’Neal has five rap albums out including a greatest hits collection. A Shaq greatest hits rap CD? That’s like Camilla Parker Bowles releasing a DVD on Beauty Tips.

Yeah, right pal
Warner Brothers will release a three-disc DVD set of “The Wizard of Oz” for $40. Picture some guy in a video store buying it and his buddies walk in.

“Sir, here is that “Wizard of Oz” set you wanted.”

“Ahem, huh? No, I, uh, I didn’t want this, I said “Girls Gone Wild.”