When it go, it go, when it slow, you know, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Yeah, that should do it
What is Congress' solution for the energy crisis? To extend daylight savings time three weeks. So what’s their solution to peace in the Middle East? A longer happy hour?

So what are their plans to halt terrorism? Put the terrorists in a time out?

Hot, I say
Man it has been hot. I’m sweating like Jude Law asking for his engagement ring back.

Why the hurry?
A coalition of U.S. Muslim groups has announced they have launched an anti-terrorism campaign. Gosh guys, what’s the big hurry?

It’s sick
It was sort of embarrassing when Ricky Williams reported back to the Miami Dolphins. The team doctor wanted to know if Ricky was healthy or if he had chronic tendonitis; Ricky said, “No, but I got me some chronic ganja.”

Darker Harry
Have you read the new Harry Potter book? It’s darker and more serious. In this one Carl Rove leaks Harry’s identity to the press.


Have you read the new Harry Potter book? It’s darker and more serious. In this one Harry has an affair with Angelina Jolie and tattoos her name on his magic wand.

It’s about time
Lance Armstrong won his seventh straight Tour de France. You can tell Lance is letting off some steam; today he got drunk and gave the Aflac duck a beat-down.


Why do I feel like I am stealing this from Janice Hough?
San Diego Padres Phil Nevin refused a trade deciding he would rather sit on the bench and stay in San Diego than become a starter for the Orioles and move to Baltimore. It was either that or quit professional baseball altogether and become a Los Angeles Dodger.

Otherwise known as
Lance Armstrong won his seventh straight Tour de France and has retired; or as American sports fans now call the Tour de France: That thing we won’t watch next year.