We straight ballin’ and play callin’ now, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
How hot is it?
It is so hot in New York Russell Crowe threw a phone at a hotel worker just to feel the breeze.
It’s so hot in New York fans are going to Yankee games just to feel the breeze the Yankees create when they suck.
It is so hot in New York, tourists in Times Square are asking for directions just for the breeze they get when the New Yorkers take a swing at them.
Well, duh
A study in London says a woman’s ability to have an orgasm is at least partly determined by her genes. Well, duh. If a woman’s genes are too tight and she can’t get them off she can’t have an orgasm. Everybody knows that.
Or their camel
Al-Jazeera, the Arab network, refuses to show a commercial for PETA because it shows cruelty to animals. They’re happy to show beheadings and mutilated bodies, but don’t touch their goat.
Something like that
President Bush and British Prime Minister Tony Blair held a joint news conference. Hearing them together is like hearing a Shakespeare soliloquy along with a NASCAR interview.
The real dummy
John Kerry’s transcripts were released and his grades were slightly lower then President Bush’s Yale grades. How’d you like to find out you were dumber than Bush? That’s like losing a beauty contest to Camilla Parker Bowles.
John Kerry’s college transcripts were released and he got four D’s his freshman year. That’s more D’s then Dolly Parton’s cup size.
Leg it out
The New York Dailey News reports that a leg with a white sneaker on it, dropped from the sky and landed in a Long Island backyard. The good news? It didn’t land in anyone’s chili.
Can you imagine standing there holding a beer at a backyard barbeque party and a severed leg drops on the lawn? What do you say? “It looks like somebody is hopping mad.”
“Talk about getting a leg up.” “This party is really kicking.” “That guy might try to sue, but legally, that guy doesn’t have a leg to stand on.”
Tricked out
An 80-year-old woman in New Jersey was arrested for prostitution. She had all the granny hooker gear. Her spinning disco mirror ball above her bed was hooked up to her clapper.
Sex job poll
A poll of 5,000 revealed what people thought were the top ten sexiest jobs. One of the top ten jobs? Teacher. Well, sure, Teachers are having the most sex but it’s all with their students.
Why I don’t work on Madison Avenue
The big trend in pharmaceutical ads is cartoon characters as in the Lamisil toe fungus characters. I can’t wait until this catches on with erectile dysfunction drugs: Introducing Viagra Vinny: Viagra Vinny is a good man and you just can’t keep a good man down.
Problem solved
Paris Hilton is marrying shipping heir, Paris Letsis. This is a brilliant solution to solve each one’s chronic problems of yelling out their own name during sex.
How hot is it?
It is so hot in New York Russell Crowe threw a phone at a hotel worker just to feel the breeze.
It’s so hot in New York fans are going to Yankee games just to feel the breeze the Yankees create when they suck.
It is so hot in New York, tourists in Times Square are asking for directions just for the breeze they get when the New Yorkers take a swing at them.
Well, duh
A study in London says a woman’s ability to have an orgasm is at least partly determined by her genes. Well, duh. If a woman’s genes are too tight and she can’t get them off she can’t have an orgasm. Everybody knows that.
Or their camel
Al-Jazeera, the Arab network, refuses to show a commercial for PETA because it shows cruelty to animals. They’re happy to show beheadings and mutilated bodies, but don’t touch their goat.
Something like that
President Bush and British Prime Minister Tony Blair held a joint news conference. Hearing them together is like hearing a Shakespeare soliloquy along with a NASCAR interview.
The real dummy
John Kerry’s transcripts were released and his grades were slightly lower then President Bush’s Yale grades. How’d you like to find out you were dumber than Bush? That’s like losing a beauty contest to Camilla Parker Bowles.
John Kerry’s college transcripts were released and he got four D’s his freshman year. That’s more D’s then Dolly Parton’s cup size.
Leg it out
The New York Dailey News reports that a leg with a white sneaker on it, dropped from the sky and landed in a Long Island backyard. The good news? It didn’t land in anyone’s chili.
Can you imagine standing there holding a beer at a backyard barbeque party and a severed leg drops on the lawn? What do you say? “It looks like somebody is hopping mad.”
“Talk about getting a leg up.” “This party is really kicking.” “That guy might try to sue, but legally, that guy doesn’t have a leg to stand on.”
Tricked out
An 80-year-old woman in New Jersey was arrested for prostitution. She had all the granny hooker gear. Her spinning disco mirror ball above her bed was hooked up to her clapper.
Sex job poll
A poll of 5,000 revealed what people thought were the top ten sexiest jobs. One of the top ten jobs? Teacher. Well, sure, Teachers are having the most sex but it’s all with their students.
Why I don’t work on Madison Avenue
The big trend in pharmaceutical ads is cartoon characters as in the Lamisil toe fungus characters. I can’t wait until this catches on with erectile dysfunction drugs: Introducing Viagra Vinny: Viagra Vinny is a good man and you just can’t keep a good man down.
Problem solved
Paris Hilton is marrying shipping heir, Paris Letsis. This is a brilliant solution to solve each one’s chronic problems of yelling out their own name during sex.
posted by Alex at
11:39 AM
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