This just in:
Russell Crowe said he’s tried to call and apologize to the concierge he hit with a phone, but he’s not taking his calls. Of course he isn’t answering, the guy is terrified to go near a phone.


In addition to “Cinderella Man” Russell Crowe has a new music CD out; it features a very touching rendition of Jim Croce’s “Operator.”


In addition to “Cinderella Man” Russell Crowe has a new music CD out; ironically, these songs make really good ring tones for your cell phone.


This right here is how we roll, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


The big question
Everyone is waiting to find out if Michael Jackson moonwalks or if Michael goes to prison to become the other white meat.


Not all bad
Lisa Marie Presley told an interviewer that she did have sex with Michael Jackson but the sex wasn’t that great. But Lisa Marie did say it wasn’t all bad, one part of sex with Michael was great. Three words: Bubbles the chimp.


Anchors away
“The Tonight Show” had the Navy in their audience last night. There is only one problem of having so many sailors in the audience: trying to keep Paris Hilton away.


Double knot seven in a knot
The actor who played Jethro in “The Beverly Hillbillies,” Max Baer Jr. is upset at how his heavy weight champion father, Max Baer, was portrayed as a bad guy in “Cinderella Man.” Baer particularly didn’t care for that scene when Russell Crowe’s character hit his Dad with a phone.


How hot is it?
It is so hot in New York people were asking Russell Crowe to throw a phone at them just so they could be knocked out cold.


Spread it around
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were at the “Batman Begins” premiere. Don’t tell anyone I said this, but I think they like each other.

Did you see Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes at the “Batman Begins” premiere? My word those two have a lot of teeth. Those two have more teeth than the city of Charleston West Virginia.


Let’s take a moment or two and ponder that
At a big Hollywood party, reportedly there was a big cat fight with Jessica Simpson and Lindsay Lohan. Can you imagine a cat fight between Jessica Simpson and Lindsay Lohan? . . . oh, sorry. I got lost there for a second. Uh, what were we talking about?


That’s bad
John Kerry’s transcripts were released and his grades were lower then President Bush’s Yale grades. How’d you like to find out you were dumber than Bush? That’s like being told by Tom Cruise you’re acting nuts.


Oh, we kid the Red States
NASCAR is coming out with a brand of wine. It’s the perfect choice for those romantic dinners with your cousin.


Thanks but pass, Grandpa
Michael Jackson’s father, Joe, says he will care for Michael’s kids if he’s found guilty. When asked to comment, Michael Jackson’s infant son replied; “No thanks, I’d rather dangle from a hotel balcony.”

Who else besides Bono?
The United States and Briton are working hard together to try and come up with a solution to help Africa, but the problems are so complicated, so immense, they are starting to realize there is really only one person who can straighten this out. That’s right, Angelina Jolie.

A catchy tune
A German researcher found a lost 1713 Aria by Johann Sebastian Bach. It was a song originally written to help launch Cher’s first farewell tour.

For some reason it didn’t work
Russell Crowe gave an apology for hitting a hotel worker with a phone on “The Late Show with David Letterman” directly after being released from jail. Crowe didn’t have any choice but to make the talk show appearance, he couldn’t cancel, the phone in his room wasn’t working.

Eww
Bill Clinton’s book “My Life” is now out in paperback. It has some new features, but I’m not sure about that one new feature: the Monica Scratch and Sniff.

Please
Bill Clinton has offered to help President Bush extend and renew Clinton’s African Growth and Opportunity Act. Oh, who is Clinton trying to kid? He just wants to go to Africa to work with Angelina Jolie.

Since you asked:

Three women planning a girls night out e-mail:

Dear Carol and Suzanne:

Well, it’s taken three months, but we finally have agreed on a night all three of us can get together. This may be bold, but I say we make it a South-of-the-border theme. Now, I’ve called ahead and reserved our “special” booth at The Burrito Loco and I’ve requested our favorite waiter, Raul.

So, everybody dress in your finest Mexican attire, if you don’t have something to wear, you have six days to shop. I strongly recommend the El Bonita Boutique-ah on El Camino Blvd. Tell them Catherine sent you, we have a group discount.

Now, I will be providing the sombreros, so don’t worry about that. Suzanne is bringing the raffle prizes and Carol is bringing the door prizes. The charity auction will start after dinner. Oh, and we are going to have a contest for the best South-of-the-Border story. Raul will be the Judge.

Any questions you can page me, or I’ve included my six e-mail addresses. Let’s get psyched for a permite tener una noche muy divertida (For those who haven’t been studying their Spanish for this dinner that means Lets all have a very fun night)

Adios,

Catherine, or should I say La Katrina ;)

Three men planning a boys night out e-mail:

Hey, d*ckheads. Let’s get dinner and some drinks tomorrow night. See you at the Burrito Loco at Seven and, until then, go f&ck yourselves.