They got them some ill skilz up in there, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
A tad pricey
A newspaper in England is willing to pay $2 million for access to Paris Hilton’s wedding. That seems excessive. Before she got engaged, it only cost a guy $200 for access to Paris herself.
He wouldn’t like that
The Brad Pitt-Angelina Jolie movie “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” is number one; “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” is about a married couple who try to assassinate each other. There’s Robert Blake’s worst nightmare: a wife that returns fire.
Coming to light
It now seems the Russell Crowe phone throwing episode was proceeded by a lot of drinking and singing in a bar. You thought throwing a phone and hitting a concierge was inexcusable? Three hours before the man drunkenly sang “Feelings.” Crowe should go to jail for that alone.
We kid the Cubbies
In a magnanimous gesture of mutual respect, the Boston Red Sox presented Nomar Garciaparra with a World Series ring even though he was traded to the Chicago Cubs before the World Series. When asked to comment, an executive for the Cubs said; “What’s a World Series ring?”
Not good
In their historic first meeting at Wrigley Field, the Chicago Cubs beat the Boston Red Sox 14-6. The just didn’t beat the Red Sox, the Cubs treated Boston like Russell Crowe treats a concierge.
A new touch
The new “Batman Begins” movie is out; this one is a little different than the others: in this one Robin gives Batman a Queer makeover.
The new “Batman Begins” movie is out. If you look close they padded the crotch of the Batman suit; they wanted a little less bat and a little more man.
The new Batman movie is out. I’m not sure I’m happy with all of the choices the director made. For example, I just don’t think the Batmobile should be a Honda Civic hybrid.
Big gal, that
Annika Sorrenstam won the LPGA Championship this weekend; I don’t want to say female golfer Laura Davies is too big, but that woman looks like she ate John Daly.
How big is Davies? Her golf shorts are a par four.
A bit of sarcasm
The rumor around Hollywood is that Paris Hilton is pregnant. And how in the world do you suppose that happened?
Iron poor Mike
Mike Tyson quit after the sixth round against 6-5 tomato can Kevin McBride. It was a little embarrassing, Tyson refused to come out for the seventh round even though five of his creditors were pushing him to go back out there.
In the sixth round Tyson tried to break McBride’s arm, head bash him and he tried to hit him low. Tyson did everything but splatter steak sauce on his ear.
It was sad, Tyson announced his retirement and there were dozens of people weeping and sobbing. And that was just his creditors.
Now that Tyson has retired he can go back to his first true love: biochemical physicist.
What is Tyson going to do now that he is retired from boxing? I’m not sure, but I think we can rule out a career in molecular engineering.
Honey, we’ll be protesting late tonight, don’t wait up
Parents of a youth baseball team in Taylor Mill, Ky., were so upset after learning that Hooters restaurant was its sponsor that they pulled their kids from the squad. Some of the fathers were so upset, they staged a sit- in demonstration at Hooters during the hot wings Happy Hour.
Remind me again
Paris Hilton and her Mom, Kathy, will be the Grand Marshalls of the West Hollywood Gay Rights parade. Oh, yeah, Paris is big in the gay community. Apparently gay men are huge fans of Paris’s talent of, um, uh, one last time, I forgot, what the hell can Paris Hilton do again?
No truth to this rumor I started whatsoever
In the Bizzaro world of Hollywood, Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise say they are doing it and they aren’t and Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt insist they aren’t so they are. Hmm. I want to make an announcement, Hollywood: I am not having sex with Angelina Jolie, I swear.
Whimpeth
This week in Ohio, police were called when an Amish Party in a barn got out of hand and dozens of Amish teenagers were found drunk. Apparently that one Ezekeal kid? Thine est thy real light weight.
Ohio authorities became suspicious when the teenagers raised a barn and a Frat house.
Whoa, Dude
Last week, the Supreme Court said medical marijuana is illegal, but the two plaintiffs in the case say they will continue to smoke it. When asked what was their legal precedent, they replied; “Uh, that President Bush dude?”
That’s a storm
The first storm of the season, Hurricane Arlene hit Cuba yesterday and arrived in Florida Friday. Arlene is a big storm, it dropped off three Cuban short stops, five Cuban closers and two Cuban middle relief pitchers and a blue taxi cab.
Problem might be elsewhere
A man in Houston is suing Viagra claiming it made him blind. I don’t know about this guy, he also claims Viagra gave him a bad case of hairy palms.
Since you asked:
Mike Tyson quit after the sixth round against 6-5 tomato can Kevin McBride. It is now painfully obvious that Tyson was, not only, never a great fighter, he was never even a good fighter.
Mike Tyson was simply a muscle-bound sadist and bully who gleefully beat up people; but the second fighting became difficult, Tyson collapsed like the sham coward that he is because he neither possessed any guts nor courage and, clearly, he never did. My six-year-old daughter, Ann Caroline, exhibits more class and heart in one soccer game then Mike Tyson ever has in his life.
To mention Tyson’s name in the same sentence with legends Joe Louis, Muhammad Ali, George Foreman or Evander Holyfield is a travesty to boxing’s history.
Tyson has been metaphorically castrated in front of the entire world. The name Mike Tyson is now a symbol of shame and embarrassment; the name Mike Tyson is now, and forever, a sorry punch line to endless jokes about one of the consummate losers in all of history; Tyson is a loser morally, ethically, emotionally, physically, financially and spiritually.
And it could not have happened to a better guy.
How do I really feel? Tyson is also uglier than homemade shoes.
A tad pricey
A newspaper in England is willing to pay $2 million for access to Paris Hilton’s wedding. That seems excessive. Before she got engaged, it only cost a guy $200 for access to Paris herself.
He wouldn’t like that
The Brad Pitt-Angelina Jolie movie “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” is number one; “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” is about a married couple who try to assassinate each other. There’s Robert Blake’s worst nightmare: a wife that returns fire.
Coming to light
It now seems the Russell Crowe phone throwing episode was proceeded by a lot of drinking and singing in a bar. You thought throwing a phone and hitting a concierge was inexcusable? Three hours before the man drunkenly sang “Feelings.” Crowe should go to jail for that alone.
We kid the Cubbies
In a magnanimous gesture of mutual respect, the Boston Red Sox presented Nomar Garciaparra with a World Series ring even though he was traded to the Chicago Cubs before the World Series. When asked to comment, an executive for the Cubs said; “What’s a World Series ring?”
Not good
In their historic first meeting at Wrigley Field, the Chicago Cubs beat the Boston Red Sox 14-6. The just didn’t beat the Red Sox, the Cubs treated Boston like Russell Crowe treats a concierge.
A new touch
The new “Batman Begins” movie is out; this one is a little different than the others: in this one Robin gives Batman a Queer makeover.
The new “Batman Begins” movie is out. If you look close they padded the crotch of the Batman suit; they wanted a little less bat and a little more man.
The new Batman movie is out. I’m not sure I’m happy with all of the choices the director made. For example, I just don’t think the Batmobile should be a Honda Civic hybrid.
Big gal, that
Annika Sorrenstam won the LPGA Championship this weekend; I don’t want to say female golfer Laura Davies is too big, but that woman looks like she ate John Daly.
How big is Davies? Her golf shorts are a par four.
A bit of sarcasm
The rumor around Hollywood is that Paris Hilton is pregnant. And how in the world do you suppose that happened?
Iron poor Mike
Mike Tyson quit after the sixth round against 6-5 tomato can Kevin McBride. It was a little embarrassing, Tyson refused to come out for the seventh round even though five of his creditors were pushing him to go back out there.
In the sixth round Tyson tried to break McBride’s arm, head bash him and he tried to hit him low. Tyson did everything but splatter steak sauce on his ear.
It was sad, Tyson announced his retirement and there were dozens of people weeping and sobbing. And that was just his creditors.
Now that Tyson has retired he can go back to his first true love: biochemical physicist.
What is Tyson going to do now that he is retired from boxing? I’m not sure, but I think we can rule out a career in molecular engineering.
Honey, we’ll be protesting late tonight, don’t wait up
Parents of a youth baseball team in Taylor Mill, Ky., were so upset after learning that Hooters restaurant was its sponsor that they pulled their kids from the squad. Some of the fathers were so upset, they staged a sit- in demonstration at Hooters during the hot wings Happy Hour.
Remind me again
Paris Hilton and her Mom, Kathy, will be the Grand Marshalls of the West Hollywood Gay Rights parade. Oh, yeah, Paris is big in the gay community. Apparently gay men are huge fans of Paris’s talent of, um, uh, one last time, I forgot, what the hell can Paris Hilton do again?
No truth to this rumor I started whatsoever
In the Bizzaro world of Hollywood, Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise say they are doing it and they aren’t and Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt insist they aren’t so they are. Hmm. I want to make an announcement, Hollywood: I am not having sex with Angelina Jolie, I swear.
Whimpeth
This week in Ohio, police were called when an Amish Party in a barn got out of hand and dozens of Amish teenagers were found drunk. Apparently that one Ezekeal kid? Thine est thy real light weight.
Ohio authorities became suspicious when the teenagers raised a barn and a Frat house.
Whoa, Dude
Last week, the Supreme Court said medical marijuana is illegal, but the two plaintiffs in the case say they will continue to smoke it. When asked what was their legal precedent, they replied; “Uh, that President Bush dude?”
That’s a storm
The first storm of the season, Hurricane Arlene hit Cuba yesterday and arrived in Florida Friday. Arlene is a big storm, it dropped off three Cuban short stops, five Cuban closers and two Cuban middle relief pitchers and a blue taxi cab.
Problem might be elsewhere
A man in Houston is suing Viagra claiming it made him blind. I don’t know about this guy, he also claims Viagra gave him a bad case of hairy palms.
Since you asked:
Mike Tyson quit after the sixth round against 6-5 tomato can Kevin McBride. It is now painfully obvious that Tyson was, not only, never a great fighter, he was never even a good fighter.
Mike Tyson was simply a muscle-bound sadist and bully who gleefully beat up people; but the second fighting became difficult, Tyson collapsed like the sham coward that he is because he neither possessed any guts nor courage and, clearly, he never did. My six-year-old daughter, Ann Caroline, exhibits more class and heart in one soccer game then Mike Tyson ever has in his life.
To mention Tyson’s name in the same sentence with legends Joe Louis, Muhammad Ali, George Foreman or Evander Holyfield is a travesty to boxing’s history.
Tyson has been metaphorically castrated in front of the entire world. The name Mike Tyson is now a symbol of shame and embarrassment; the name Mike Tyson is now, and forever, a sorry punch line to endless jokes about one of the consummate losers in all of history; Tyson is a loser morally, ethically, emotionally, physically, financially and spiritually.
And it could not have happened to a better guy.
How do I really feel? Tyson is also uglier than homemade shoes.
posted by Alex at
1:32 PM
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