This just in: Michael Jackson is in financial trouble. You know that big guy who held the umbrella over Michael’s head? He just quit to work for Tito.
We gonna get our rock on up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Who is your Daddy?
Did you have a happy father’s day? Or as Paris Hilton calls it: Who’s your Daddy Day.
Or something like that
Paris Hilton is launching a line of jewelry for dogs. I think Paris’s new dog jewelry line is called: “Why the rest of the world hates us.”
Tom on just one knee for a change
In Paris, Tom Cruise popped the big question to Katie Holmes. Unfortunately for Katie, the big question was: “Could you please stop wearing heels when we’re seen together?”
Tom Cruise proposed to Katie Holmes in Paris at the Eiffel Tower. It was so romantic, so touching so sweet, so completely full of crap.
Fierce. That word is just so fierce
According to Entertainment Weekly the new term for gay men couples is Manpanions. And, if you are a guy that isn’t gay? If you say the word Manpanions enough, you soon will be.
How’d he do that?
Phil Jackson has agreed to come back to coach the Los Angeles Lakers and Kobe Bryant; How did Kobe pull that off? They don’t make $4 million dollar diamond rings for men.
Top Squirt Gun
In an apparent interview in London, Tom Cruise got squirted in the face by a squirt-gun microphone. Tom was furious, he hates giving phony interviews about his phony relationship with Katie Holmes.
In an apparent interview in London, Tom Cruise got squirted in the face by a squirt-gun microphone. Cruise was very upset. He wanted everyone to know that he has never, ever, not even once, swear-to-god, ever been squirted in the face by a guy before. Really.
You say Shiite, I say tomato
The Sunni Muslims have reached a deal to participate in the Iraqi constitution; When it comes to the Iraqi constitution, the other Muslim group really couldn’t give a Shiite.
Awww, you shouldn’t have . . .
At a party hosted by Paris Hilton sex-video co-star, Rick Saloman, Leonardo DeCaprio got smashed over the head by a beer bottle and needed 12 stitches. Well, well, happy belated father’s day to our Dad comedy writers.
Eww. Why you need to read your contract before you sign
The bad news for Geraldo? The Fox News deal includes Geraldo having to take Bill O’Reilly’s pants to the cleaners after O’Reilly has phone sex.
Today Geraldo Rivera announced that he has signed a four-year deal with Fox News. Now with Geraldo and Bill O’Reilly, Fox News could sign Saddam Hussein, and Saddam would be the third biggest jerk working at the network.
Paris in Springtime . . .
Paris Hilton has endless product lines from clothes to jewelry to perfume, she’s published a book and she’s appeared in a television series, many commercials and a movie. Here is my question. What is Paris Hilton’s job title? Does the I.R.S. recognize the occupation Professional Skank?
Since you asked:
Let’s play a game I like to call:
“Who is the rock star?”
Been gone, Slats and Nuggies. Flew back into town on Saturday. We just had time to get home, shower and dress for my buddy Mark O’Snake’s big 45 birthday party. Could I stay and enjoy the whole party including the, what I hear was, funny roast? No. Why? Had to leave to help set up or a gig my band, the Mitigators (No I didn’t pick that stupid name ) had that night.
It was a backyard party in Point Loma. In all modesty? We rocked the joint. Started out with folks just watching us, but by the start of the second set, everybody was dancing. Sorry, Angelina Jolie, but our lead singer Kelly is now the sexiest woman in the world, besides my sweet wife. She was swinging and swaying, singing and rocking and doing things I better not describe in case my lovely wife, Virginia, reads this today.
By the middle of the third set we cranked them with a rockin’ bluesy “Red House”, I did a fairly rousing harp jam interpretation of “Juke” in upbeat E (Cross harp in A) cooked on “Pride and Joy” and “Gimme Shelter” killed on “Tore Down” and we tore the lid off the joint with “Roadhouse Blues.”
Crowd would not let us stop. Four encores. Had to come up with four more songs. Fortunately, modesty prevents me from telling you that, at one point, when I was sitting out, the crowd started shouting “Harmonica, harmonica, harmonica.”
Because that would be just plain obnoxious and I will not do that, do you hear?
Later. I gotta go squirt Tom Cruise in the face. Oh, no, oh, why? No, I meant with a squirt gun, oh, you are sick.
Work that movie.
What have we learned from the box office bonanzas of “Batman Begins” and “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” and the tailspin if “Cinderella Man”? It is good for a movie for the stars to stage a phony relationship, and lie about it to the press; it is even good for stars to have a torrid affair, cheat on their sweet wife and then lie about it to the press.
So, to review, it’s OK, for movie promotions, to lie, cheat on spouses and act nuts on Oprah.
Just don’t throw a phone at a hotel concierge.
We gonna get our rock on up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Who is your Daddy?
Did you have a happy father’s day? Or as Paris Hilton calls it: Who’s your Daddy Day.
Or something like that
Paris Hilton is launching a line of jewelry for dogs. I think Paris’s new dog jewelry line is called: “Why the rest of the world hates us.”
Tom on just one knee for a change
In Paris, Tom Cruise popped the big question to Katie Holmes. Unfortunately for Katie, the big question was: “Could you please stop wearing heels when we’re seen together?”
Tom Cruise proposed to Katie Holmes in Paris at the Eiffel Tower. It was so romantic, so touching so sweet, so completely full of crap.
Fierce. That word is just so fierce
According to Entertainment Weekly the new term for gay men couples is Manpanions. And, if you are a guy that isn’t gay? If you say the word Manpanions enough, you soon will be.
How’d he do that?
Phil Jackson has agreed to come back to coach the Los Angeles Lakers and Kobe Bryant; How did Kobe pull that off? They don’t make $4 million dollar diamond rings for men.
Top Squirt Gun
In an apparent interview in London, Tom Cruise got squirted in the face by a squirt-gun microphone. Tom was furious, he hates giving phony interviews about his phony relationship with Katie Holmes.
In an apparent interview in London, Tom Cruise got squirted in the face by a squirt-gun microphone. Cruise was very upset. He wanted everyone to know that he has never, ever, not even once, swear-to-god, ever been squirted in the face by a guy before. Really.
You say Shiite, I say tomato
The Sunni Muslims have reached a deal to participate in the Iraqi constitution; When it comes to the Iraqi constitution, the other Muslim group really couldn’t give a Shiite.
Awww, you shouldn’t have . . .
At a party hosted by Paris Hilton sex-video co-star, Rick Saloman, Leonardo DeCaprio got smashed over the head by a beer bottle and needed 12 stitches. Well, well, happy belated father’s day to our Dad comedy writers.
Eww. Why you need to read your contract before you sign
The bad news for Geraldo? The Fox News deal includes Geraldo having to take Bill O’Reilly’s pants to the cleaners after O’Reilly has phone sex.
Today Geraldo Rivera announced that he has signed a four-year deal with Fox News. Now with Geraldo and Bill O’Reilly, Fox News could sign Saddam Hussein, and Saddam would be the third biggest jerk working at the network.
Paris in Springtime . . .
Paris Hilton has endless product lines from clothes to jewelry to perfume, she’s published a book and she’s appeared in a television series, many commercials and a movie. Here is my question. What is Paris Hilton’s job title? Does the I.R.S. recognize the occupation Professional Skank?
Since you asked:
Let’s play a game I like to call:
“Who is the rock star?”
Been gone, Slats and Nuggies. Flew back into town on Saturday. We just had time to get home, shower and dress for my buddy Mark O’Snake’s big 45 birthday party. Could I stay and enjoy the whole party including the, what I hear was, funny roast? No. Why? Had to leave to help set up or a gig my band, the Mitigators (No I didn’t pick that stupid name ) had that night.
It was a backyard party in Point Loma. In all modesty? We rocked the joint. Started out with folks just watching us, but by the start of the second set, everybody was dancing. Sorry, Angelina Jolie, but our lead singer Kelly is now the sexiest woman in the world, besides my sweet wife. She was swinging and swaying, singing and rocking and doing things I better not describe in case my lovely wife, Virginia, reads this today.
By the middle of the third set we cranked them with a rockin’ bluesy “Red House”, I did a fairly rousing harp jam interpretation of “Juke” in upbeat E (Cross harp in A) cooked on “Pride and Joy” and “Gimme Shelter” killed on “Tore Down” and we tore the lid off the joint with “Roadhouse Blues.”
Crowd would not let us stop. Four encores. Had to come up with four more songs. Fortunately, modesty prevents me from telling you that, at one point, when I was sitting out, the crowd started shouting “Harmonica, harmonica, harmonica.”
Because that would be just plain obnoxious and I will not do that, do you hear?
Later. I gotta go squirt Tom Cruise in the face. Oh, no, oh, why? No, I meant with a squirt gun, oh, you are sick.
Work that movie.
What have we learned from the box office bonanzas of “Batman Begins” and “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” and the tailspin if “Cinderella Man”? It is good for a movie for the stars to stage a phony relationship, and lie about it to the press; it is even good for stars to have a torrid affair, cheat on their sweet wife and then lie about it to the press.
So, to review, it’s OK, for movie promotions, to lie, cheat on spouses and act nuts on Oprah.
Just don’t throw a phone at a hotel concierge.
posted by Alex at
4:06 PM
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