Sunday, January 30, 2005

Can you hook a brother up one time, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?

Broadcaster malfunction
This Super Bowl halftime will be different than last year’s. This time the only boob that will be exposed will be Terry Bradshaw.

Seems harsh
New York is going to be the first state to give work readiness test to determine if high school students are ready for entry level jobs. If they pass, they receive a “Work Ready” certificate, if they fail, they’ll be considered inept, useless and they’ll have to sign with the New York Mets.

The good ol’ days
In Redwood City a DNA test on a high school teacher’s child revealed the father was one of the teacher’s students. Remember the good ol’ days when the expression boning-up for a test meant something else all together?

Don’t make an Ass out of yourself
Now that he is going to the Baltimore Orioles, what did a lot of the Chicago Cubs really think of Sammy Sosa? Let’s put it this way: take the name Sosa, drop the o and read it backwards.

A ring with ramps
Fat and 55 Larry Holmes announced he wants to fight fat and 56 George Foreman. This will be the first match to be sponsored by AARP.

A different Eagles version of "Already Gone"
One week to go until the Super Bowl in Jacksonville, FLA. It’s not looking good for the Philadelphia Eagles. They keep asking if Governor Jeb Bush called with a stay of execution.

Many football experts are not giving the Philadelphia Eagles much of a chance against the New England Patriots. In my opinion people are going to be surprised, the Eagles will show up ready to play. Yeah, sure, they’ll get crushed, but they are going to show up ready to play.

Many football experts are not giving the Philadelphia Eagles much of a chance against the New England Patriots. To show how bad it is, for this week until the Super Bowl, Eagles are officially back on the endangered species list.

Philadelphia Eagles injured wide receiver Terrill Owens claims god is helping heal his broken leg. If god really was involved, wouldn’t want to think he’d be smart enough to save himself the trouble and not break Owen’s leg in the first place?

Philadelphia Eagles injured wide receiver Terrill Owens claims god is helping heal his broken leg. So all you people embroiled in war and voting in Iraq and to all the Tsunami survivors, just a word of warning, you’re on your own this week, god is apparently busy with T.O.’s ankle.

We kid the red clay state
A big ice storm in Georgia knocked out power to 300,000. It was so cold in Georgia, to stay warm, people were even getting into bed with folks they weren’t related to.

Or “Entertainment Tonight”
Despite bomb threats, Iraqis in the millions turned out to vote. And to think there are people in the U.S. who didn’t vote because they didn’t want to miss “Wheel of Fortune.”

And finally
A Judge sentenced a 19-year-old teenager, Jeffrey Lee Parson, to 18 months in prison for releasing a computer virus. This sentence is to be served concurrently with the earlier sentence from god: to be a lonely loser and die a virgin.

Since you asked:

Just got the iPod working. Oh . . . my . . . word. See, I had the thing since my birthday, but my ‘puter didn’t have the operating system XP to work it. Now that I have a new computer, I can load the Ipod. It is one of those things, like the blessed TiVo, you have to use to appreciate. I am up to 400 songs and it hasn’t made a dent on the memory. And it is really easy to use. Yesterday at the gym I used it on the exercise bike and 30 minutes of 30 mph hell went past in a flash. It is so cool. I’ve mentioned this before, but 15-years ago if you’d have said; “I Googled a band I saw on a TiVo’d Conan, bought the CD on Ebay and downloaded it on my iPod.” Well, you’d have been burned for witchcraft, is all.

Best all time harmonica gig at Dick’s Last Resort in the Gaslamp last night. Great band, Inside Out. Really cool folks and they rocked. In all modesty, we killed on U2’s “Desire” Fantastik’s “What I Like About You” and many other rocking blues tunes. So I finish this all-time set, sit down, they do a few dance-oriented sets and then bring me up for a big finish starting with ZZ Top’s “Tush.” The song is in G, so any night that I wasn’t out of my mind, I know I play a C cross harp. For some reason I was sure it was a D harp. It most decidedly wasn’t. I sounded like I was strangling a cat. Damn that Jagermiester.

That’s what happens when you get cocky. But we salvaged it with a rocking jam in A. Then I covered with a joke about that being the problem with the harmonica. To play it you have to suck and blow, and on that song I really sucked and blew.

Hey, regular A.L.B.B. readers, all ten of you. I am serious, my regular email senders need to send me an email so I can reply and get it in my address book. My old Outlook addresses are dead until I get someone who can figure out how to switch them over.

Don’t make me come up there.