Tuesday, January 25, 2005

We got the Mack back Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Just a case of the laws of probability
You know who will probably pick up an Oscar? Angelina Jolie. She’s not nominated for an Academy Award, she’ll probably pick up some married guy named Oscar.

Clandestine, but in a public kind of way
The Pentagon announced they are forming a new clandestine spy team. And let’s face it, nothing says clandestine quite like a nationally televised press conference announcement.

It was kind of embarrassing. When President Bush was informed of this new clandestine spy team, he asked; “Clandestine? How are they going to spy with them big Budweiser horses?”

The King is dead but he’s not forgotten
The outpouring of sympathetic publicity following Johnny Carson’s death trumped the coverage of Donald Trump’s gaudy wedding. See that? Even in death, Johnny’s class and timing is impeccable.

In Russian, no less
Do you get those annoying spam junk email ads? They are out-of-hand. Today I got an email ad for a low-cost non-prescription prescription drug that promises to add three and a half inches to my mortgage.

Just plain mean
The TV news in California love to show snowstorms from back east. It’s like going to dinner with someone on the Atkins diet and ordering a big sloppy dessert. “Oh yeah, that boiled chicken wrapped in lettuce looks good. Sure you don’t want some of this hot fudge Sunday? I can’t eat it all.”

Since you asked:

Remember Slats and Nugs, everything before the “but” is B.S. As in, he’s a really nice guy, but . . .
You know how I hate to brag, but . . . I broke the first of my five fitness goals yesterday. Did the 500 jump ropes all in a row. Double leg, no singles, no getting cute, just regular both feet jumping per swing. And how do I feel today? Sore. But it’s the good kind of sore as long as good is horribly painful to the point of causing hot streaming tears.

Next to fall will be 50 push-ups. Then soon the 15 pull-ups. The 10ft rim touch and sub-six-minute mile will take more time, but I am patient and I have until August 15th. And besides, the hidden main goal is to lose the weight (about 15 lbs) so, no hurry. (If you are getting too excited by this breathtakingly interesting information, just let me know)

A few words about Johnny Carson. He was the best. I might be of the first generation that Johnny sort of started to miss, but there was no doubting his greatness. Like Dino and Frank, I am starting to appreciate Johnny more and more, but, at the time, he seemed more my Dad’s guy than mine.

Having said that, it is a lot harder to be the first to do something than it is to follow up. Johnny made late night TV what it is now. Sure he borrowed. He was a perfect combination of the silly and fun Steve Allen and the interesting conversationalist that was Jack Parr. Plus he had a devilishly quick mind. Never really got the Ed thing, but that was part of the deal.

Anyone who wants to know how hard it is to do a talk show I have two words for you: Chevy Chase. Anyone who had to witness that train wreck knows what I mean. That makes what Jay, Dave and Conan do even more amazing. But Johnny was the guy. He made it look like anyone could do it when he was one of only four or five who actually could. And Jay and Dave and Conan don’t grow up dreaming to host a talk show without Johnny.

Although we hadn't seen him for years, the world is a sadder place knowing that Johnny isn't in it anymore. That, uh, that was good stuff . . .