Wednesday, January 26, 2005

We loves us some flavosity, we for surely do, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Southern Cal
Many football experts think USC will repeat next year as #1 because they just have too many tools. I concur. Nearly everyone I’ve ever met from USC is a real tool.

Stretching a metaphor, so to speak
The makers of Trojan condoms are peddling a condom with a lubricant that warms up during use. They got the idea from watching the Orange Bowl when the USC Trojans get hotter and hotter as they stuck it to Oklahoma.

The makers of Trojan condoms are peddling a condom with a lubricant that warms up during use. Is this necessary? I don’t think a woman has ever said to a guy right before sex; “Hang on, let me warm that thing up first.”

Is that nice?
Condoleeza Rice’s nomination for Sec of State will get overwhelming Senate approval. Well, overwhelming except for Rice’s main detractor CA, Democrat, Barbara Boxer who, at the time of the vote, plans to pantomime mooning Rice.

Not since then, huh?
Swiss ace Roger Federer beat USA’s Andre Agassi to advance at the Australian Open. Nobody has dominated men’s tennis like Federer since the last guy to dominate tennis that nobody cared about.

CNN founder Ted Turner compared Fox News to the Adolph Hitler. Fox News said they resented this comparison but then announced they’ve hired Prince Harry as a British correspondent.

Obesity has surpassed smoking as the number one preventable cause of death in the U.S. To show how bad it is, now if you are diagnosed as obese, the doctor prescribes five cartoons of Marlboros.

Since you asked:
One more note on Johnny. Leno has been doing yeoman-like and - not to blow smoke - top quality work on "The Tonight Show" since 1992. But anyone I know older than the age of 55 still always asks me; "You still send jokes to Johnny?" The man is simply imbedded in their heads as the host of that show and it's been 13 years.

It was my humble opinion that Leno did an awesome job on his Carson tribute. What tough duty. Leno handled it with class, reverence and humor. Leno has to be the most under-rated guy in the world with a number one network show and a salary of $30 million a year, if that is even possible.

Forget the cluster-hump that was "The Chevy Chase show" Dennis Miller, Arsenio Hall, Craig Kilborn, Pat Sajak, Roseanne, and, if possible, even worse than Chevy, Magic Johnson, have all tried and, to varying degrees, failed at hosting a late night talk show. It is not nearly as easy as Letterman, Leno and Jon Stewart make it look and Johnny made it look even easier.

Ellen DeGeneris is pretty awesome during her daytime show. Something tells me she could pull off a late night gig.

Or me. Let's not rule that out.