This right here how it’s gonna be, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Ode to Skank
Paris Hilton has a perfume out. Paris says her new perfume is her favorite thing to put behind her ears besides her ankles.

It’s wild, you don’t have to put on the Paris Hilton perfume, it puts itself on you. And then it videotapes you with it on.

Jingle bells
You can tell it’s Christmas time when the new toys come out. Have you seen the latest one? It’s The Martha Stewart Gray Bar Hotel Doll house. Prison bitch sold separately.


This is going to be a tough Christmas in prison for Martha Stewart; some more bad news for Martha today, somebody hung mistletoe over the communal shower.

Martha Stewart can’t catch a break in prison. Somebody baked a file inside of a fruitcake and sent it to Martha. But because it’s a fruitcake, nobody could actually get at the file.

The good news for Martha Stewart is that her prison had a “Secret Santa” gift exchange. The bad news for Martha? She was one of the gifts.

He had a show?
CNBC cancelled John McEnroe’s talk show. In truth, McEnroe didn’t have the best interviewing skills. He only had two replies; “You cannot be serious” and “You’re the pits of the world.”

You can kind of tell a television talk show is in trouble when the audience members outnumber the actual viewers

I thought it was sort of heartless the way they informed McEnroe his show was cancelled. They had a tennis umpire throw him out of the studio.

Rumor had it that McEnroe’s talk show was so bad the only person who enjoyed watching it was McEnroe’s ex, Tatum O’Neal.

Amazingly detailed
This year the White House Christmas decorations feature a gingerbread White House authentic down to the smallest detail. It even has the left-over knee prints under the desk in the Oval office from the Clinton administration.

This year the White House Christmas decorations feature a gingerbread White House authentic down to the smallest detail. It even includes the unopened dictionary in the Oval office.