Oh, snap, we feelin’ you now, dog, and Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Over-kill
The latest Hummer commercials feature the disclaimer: “Please off-road responsibly.” Is that necessary? There have only been two occasions when Hummers have ever been off-road: In the commercials and on the field of a Polo match.
Holiday party warning signs
There are warning signs you may have over-done it at the office Christmas party. One is when you wake up to four words: mistletoe in your pants.
Another sign you may have over-done it at the office Christmas party? There’s a photocopy of your butt for sale on E-bay.
There are indications you just may have over-done it at the office Christmas party. The bad news? You’re fired. The good news? You’re engaged.
There’s a good chance you may have over-done it at the Christmas party when, you don’t know why, but every time you walk past the supply room, you become aroused.
Guys, you might have over-done it at the Christmas party when, the next day, everyone calls you Kobe.
Girls, you might have over-done it at the Christmas party when, the next day, everyone calls you Paris.
Truth is, I had a rough Christmas party last night. Do me a favor and don’t say the words: Egg Nog shooters.
There is a very good chance you over-did it at the office Christmas party when you wake up in the hospital with a doctor removing a candy cane.
Did you survive the company Christmas parties? I may have overdone it. Every time I walk by the copier, I hear the haunting chants echo in my mind: “Go Lex, go Lex, go Lex.”
English class
The president’s daughter, Jenna Bush, has announced she is going to teach English at a Washington DC elementary school. Instead of English 101, Jenna will be teaching Old English 800. Not the class, the Malt Liquor.
That was sweet
Do you get those Holiday letters? You wouldn’t believe it, but I got a Holiday letter from Martha Stewart in prison. It was really sweet. It was signed by Martha and LaQuetia “Brown Sugar” Jones, Martha’s new prison bitch.
Not fun
Although they sound glamorous, sometimes celebrity Christmas parties are a pain. You know, like when you get stuck next to that loud, obnoxious and physically hostile drunk? And that’s just Liza Minelli.
Wild one
I went to one really wild Hollywood Christmas party. It had Paris Hilton, Tara Reid, Halle Berry, Nick Nolte and Glen Cambell. And those were the designated drivers . . .
Sounds right
After being vilified last year, 10-3 San Diego Charger quarterback Drew Brees has to feel like the guy at the end of the high school reunion who yells; “Bye everyone. Hey, Heidi sweety? Heidi Klum? Be a dear and run and get the Maserati.”
Must see DVD
You know what makes a good Christmas present? The “Seinfeld” DVDs. It features lots of unseen clips like the time Elaine dates the children show cartoonist but then deems him un-“Sponge Bob” worthy.
This I promise
One thing I can promise you: all of these jokes have been written by hand.
Sec. Of Def. Donald Rumsfeld in under fire again this time for sending condolence letters signed by a machine. Signed by a machine? Does that mean they were signed by Dick Cheney?
Not clear on the concept
I don’t think President Bush gets it when he was informed that he was “Time” magazine’s person of the year. Bush said; “It’s an honor to be named “Time” magazine’s person of the year. It’s important to be able to tell time. I’ve been able to tell time on my own for three years.”
Over-kill
The latest Hummer commercials feature the disclaimer: “Please off-road responsibly.” Is that necessary? There have only been two occasions when Hummers have ever been off-road: In the commercials and on the field of a Polo match.
Holiday party warning signs
There are warning signs you may have over-done it at the office Christmas party. One is when you wake up to four words: mistletoe in your pants.
Another sign you may have over-done it at the office Christmas party? There’s a photocopy of your butt for sale on E-bay.
There are indications you just may have over-done it at the office Christmas party. The bad news? You’re fired. The good news? You’re engaged.
There’s a good chance you may have over-done it at the Christmas party when, you don’t know why, but every time you walk past the supply room, you become aroused.
Guys, you might have over-done it at the Christmas party when, the next day, everyone calls you Kobe.
Girls, you might have over-done it at the Christmas party when, the next day, everyone calls you Paris.
Truth is, I had a rough Christmas party last night. Do me a favor and don’t say the words: Egg Nog shooters.
There is a very good chance you over-did it at the office Christmas party when you wake up in the hospital with a doctor removing a candy cane.
Did you survive the company Christmas parties? I may have overdone it. Every time I walk by the copier, I hear the haunting chants echo in my mind: “Go Lex, go Lex, go Lex.”
English class
The president’s daughter, Jenna Bush, has announced she is going to teach English at a Washington DC elementary school. Instead of English 101, Jenna will be teaching Old English 800. Not the class, the Malt Liquor.
That was sweet
Do you get those Holiday letters? You wouldn’t believe it, but I got a Holiday letter from Martha Stewart in prison. It was really sweet. It was signed by Martha and LaQuetia “Brown Sugar” Jones, Martha’s new prison bitch.
Not fun
Although they sound glamorous, sometimes celebrity Christmas parties are a pain. You know, like when you get stuck next to that loud, obnoxious and physically hostile drunk? And that’s just Liza Minelli.
Wild one
I went to one really wild Hollywood Christmas party. It had Paris Hilton, Tara Reid, Halle Berry, Nick Nolte and Glen Cambell. And those were the designated drivers . . .
Sounds right
After being vilified last year, 10-3 San Diego Charger quarterback Drew Brees has to feel like the guy at the end of the high school reunion who yells; “Bye everyone. Hey, Heidi sweety? Heidi Klum? Be a dear and run and get the Maserati.”
Must see DVD
You know what makes a good Christmas present? The “Seinfeld” DVDs. It features lots of unseen clips like the time Elaine dates the children show cartoonist but then deems him un-“Sponge Bob” worthy.
This I promise
One thing I can promise you: all of these jokes have been written by hand.
Sec. Of Def. Donald Rumsfeld in under fire again this time for sending condolence letters signed by a machine. Signed by a machine? Does that mean they were signed by Dick Cheney?
Not clear on the concept
I don’t think President Bush gets it when he was informed that he was “Time” magazine’s person of the year. Bush said; “It’s an honor to be named “Time” magazine’s person of the year. It’s important to be able to tell time. I’ve been able to tell time on my own for three years.”
posted by Alex at
1:16 PM
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