We gonna get us our turkey on up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Go figure
The exact same thing that happened to the Indiana Pacers and Ron Artest once happened at a Los Angeles Clippers game. Except, it being the Clippers, the fan missed the player with the cup and the player missed the fan with the punch.

The NBA is really upset over the bad public relations created by the Ron Artest incident. In fact, rumor has it, to atone to the fans, NBA commissioner Stern is demanding that Kobe Bryant sends everyone at the game a diamond ring.

I’m not sure about the new commercial for the NBA. It features the Ron Artest fight clip and then courtside celebrities, Ike Turner, Mike Tyson and Liza Minelli saying; “I love this game.”

Did you see Ron Artest during that fight clip? When he was going after the small drunk fan, he looked like Muhammad Ali. But when 6ft 9in, 250 pound Piston Ben Wallace tears after him, Artest travels backwards prettier and faster than Ginger Rodgers.

What's the frequency, Kenneth?
CBS’s Dan Rather announced he is going to retire. Or, as Rather might would put it:

“This ol’ mule is as tired as a one-armed paper-hanger after election day so it’s time this gunslinger meandered into the sunset with both his pistols a smokin’.”

We think Rather is going to retire. CBS cannot determine if his resignation is real or not.

Winning the election, beating John Kerry, canning his cabinet, just when you didn’t think President Bush’s month could get any better, Dan Rather retires. The only way Bush’s month could improve is if Michael Moore decides to make a movie with Ben Affleck.