Wednesday, November 10, 2004

This just in:
Fans lined up for many hours to buy the hot new video game “Halo 2.” When asked to comment, one 30-year-old male said; “I am so excited about Halo 2, it almost makes up the for the fact that I will never, ever, have sex with a real woman.”

We keeping it real real up in this here deal, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

He didn’t have those flappy things with stars on his shoulder
Attorney General John Ashcroft has resigned. President Bush accepted his resignation because he was shocked to discover Ashcroft wasn’t one of them real Army-type Generals.

Bad year
The 1-8 Miami Dolphins coach Dave Wannstadt resigned. The poor Dolphins. Their star Ricky Williams retired, they endured hurricanes, their coach has quit, and now, just when you think things couldn’t get worse for Miami, today Al Gore endorsed them.

Sounds familiar
The headline read: Fallujah insurgents choosing mobility to counter U.S. forces. Isn’t “choosing mobility” a French-term for a running retreat?

First they said Yassar Arafat was dead, then they said he was resting, now they say he is gravely ill. This guy has been lingering longer than Ralph Nader.

How bad is Arafat? As of now, doctors say his chances are about the same as Ralph Nader’s campaign.

ABC New reports that Yassar Arafat’s vital organs are still functioning. Here’s my question, aren’t pretty much all organs vital? Are there trivial organs? “Here, take a kidney, I only need one.”

The reports keep going back on forth on Yassar Arafat: is he dead? Is he alive? Is he dying? Is he OK? It’s sort of like Ben Affleck’s movie career.

Have you seen the videotape of Tara Reid’s flashing incident? The poor girl is standing there obliviously exposed with the cameras flashing wildly and you can just see her think: “Wow, I’m way more popular than I thought.”

That’s like the lonely little single guy at the bar that excitedly returns the wave of the hot girl only to discover the hot girl is actually waving at the guy behind him.