Oh, it’s game time up in here now Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
The Rocket
Houston Astros pitcher Roger Clemens won the Cy Young award at age 42. He also won the less prestigious but more aptly named Cy Geezer award.
All kinds of fun
Fans lined up for many hours to buy the hot new video game “Halo 2.” The game is pretty wild, if you’re able to get Tara Reid to flash, you get an obscene call from Bill O’Reilly and Martha Stewart goes to prison.
What is wrong with California juries?
Apparently the Scott Peterson jury has been eating off of the same plates as the O.J. Simpson jury.
There hasn’t been a jury as stupid as the Scott Peterson jury since O.J. Simpson lied about those ugly-ass shoes.
Let the Eagle soar . . .
Attorney General John Ashcroft has resigned. President Bush accepted his resignation because he was shocked to discover Ashcroft wasn’t a real Army-type General.
A disappointed President Bush said of Ashcroft, “I should have known he wasn’t a real General. He didn’t have those flappy things with stars on his shoulders.”
Ashcroft turned in a five page, handwritten, resignation letter. I’ll take: Something President Bush will never, ever, read for $500, Alex.
Ashcroft left to spend more time with his fellow fanatical psycho religious zealots.
Something like that
The attacks on Fallujah continue. President Bush like Fallujah, he doesn’t even like the name Fallujah, Bush said; “Why, isn’t Fallujah what got that Bill Clinton fella into trouble with that intern?”
Talented fellow
There’s a tabloid picture circulating the Internet of “24” star Keifer Sutherland in a bar really drunk with his pants around his ankles. I knew that guy was talented, but I didn’t know he did a Bill Clinton impression.
Awwwwww
Last week President Bush gave the First Lady a Scottish terrier puppy for her birthday named Mrs. Beazley. The first lady says the puppy reminds her of President Bush, it’s cute, it can’t talk and it mistakenly thinks it has a mandate.
Update
It’s been reported that Michael Jackson has been forced to cut back his expense and now lives on $1 million dollars a month. In a related story, La Toya Jackson now lives in her van.
What about his tattoo artist?
Yesterday a federal judge halted a military trial against Osama Bin Laden’s driver, saying the military had no authority over him. However, Osama’s Palates instructor and herbalist are fair game.
Since you asked:
The big Comedy Night show is tonight, so wish me luck. If you still want to go, get there early (7:00 pm) and buy tickets. $20, Del Mar Hilton, 15575 Jimmy Durante Blvd.
I am fired up. Great comedians, good cause. Great crowd. Should be fun. Yours truly is the producer and host. (Sniff, stretch, teeth-suck, slow exhaled into chortle of pride and then satisfied groan) Nice cinco, there Lex.
The Rocket
Houston Astros pitcher Roger Clemens won the Cy Young award at age 42. He also won the less prestigious but more aptly named Cy Geezer award.
All kinds of fun
Fans lined up for many hours to buy the hot new video game “Halo 2.” The game is pretty wild, if you’re able to get Tara Reid to flash, you get an obscene call from Bill O’Reilly and Martha Stewart goes to prison.
What is wrong with California juries?
Apparently the Scott Peterson jury has been eating off of the same plates as the O.J. Simpson jury.
There hasn’t been a jury as stupid as the Scott Peterson jury since O.J. Simpson lied about those ugly-ass shoes.
Let the Eagle soar . . .
Attorney General John Ashcroft has resigned. President Bush accepted his resignation because he was shocked to discover Ashcroft wasn’t a real Army-type General.
A disappointed President Bush said of Ashcroft, “I should have known he wasn’t a real General. He didn’t have those flappy things with stars on his shoulders.”
Ashcroft turned in a five page, handwritten, resignation letter. I’ll take: Something President Bush will never, ever, read for $500, Alex.
Ashcroft left to spend more time with his fellow fanatical psycho religious zealots.
Something like that
The attacks on Fallujah continue. President Bush like Fallujah, he doesn’t even like the name Fallujah, Bush said; “Why, isn’t Fallujah what got that Bill Clinton fella into trouble with that intern?”
Talented fellow
There’s a tabloid picture circulating the Internet of “24” star Keifer Sutherland in a bar really drunk with his pants around his ankles. I knew that guy was talented, but I didn’t know he did a Bill Clinton impression.
Awwwwww
Last week President Bush gave the First Lady a Scottish terrier puppy for her birthday named Mrs. Beazley. The first lady says the puppy reminds her of President Bush, it’s cute, it can’t talk and it mistakenly thinks it has a mandate.
Update
It’s been reported that Michael Jackson has been forced to cut back his expense and now lives on $1 million dollars a month. In a related story, La Toya Jackson now lives in her van.
What about his tattoo artist?
Yesterday a federal judge halted a military trial against Osama Bin Laden’s driver, saying the military had no authority over him. However, Osama’s Palates instructor and herbalist are fair game.
Since you asked:
The big Comedy Night show is tonight, so wish me luck. If you still want to go, get there early (7:00 pm) and buy tickets. $20, Del Mar Hilton, 15575 Jimmy Durante Blvd.
I am fired up. Great comedians, good cause. Great crowd. Should be fun. Yours truly is the producer and host. (Sniff, stretch, teeth-suck, slow exhaled into chortle of pride and then satisfied groan) Nice cinco, there Lex.
posted by Alex at
9:43 AM
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