We got you six, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Even Rosie O’Donnell wouldn’t eat that
*They say the latest craze in the Ukraine is chocolate covered pork fat. Their second latest craze is a massive heart attack.

Not quite
*After the team-trial stage four win, it looks like Lance Armstrong is in good position to win his record sixth Tour de France. The New York Post, however, reported the winner would be Dick Gephardt.

Not a good sign
*Some sad news up in Canada this past weekend, Tonya Harding was knocked-out in the third round of her boxing match. Tonya’s boxing career isn’t going well, she spends more time on her back in the ring then she does on her dates.

So sad
*John Kerry picked John Edwards. Kerry’s first choice was John McCain, a republican with cross-over appeal, but McCain turned him down. It’s sort of like asking the girl from French club to the prom after the cheerleader said no.

John’s are wild
*John Kerry asked John McCain but ended up with John Edwards. And Ralph Nader’s campaign is in the John.

*You have to have tough skin to be on the democratic ticket and, as a trial lawyer, nobody’s skin is tougher than John Edward’s knees.

Good tip
*Lance Armstrong’s girlfriend, Sheryl Crowe, has joined Lance on the Tour De France. Sheryl’s been a helpful advisor; each morning she reminds Lance that every day is a winding road.

Poor choice
Ted Kennedy plans to write a children’s book but it’s going to be from the point of view of his dog, Splash Isn’t Splash about the worst possible name Ted could come up with for his dog? Was Dunk ‘N Dash already taken?