Oh yeah, that's how we do up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Catchy
*Bill Clinton's memoirs comes out in June. I think it's called; "It's Last Call, You'll Do."

I think so
*In Key West, a couple was turned away from a gay hotel because they weren't gay. Isn't this the same problem Mary and Joseph had in Bethlehem?

Very similar
*Saudi Arabia has declared that they are cracking down on terrorism. That's kind of like Hollywood announcing they they are cutting down on butt-smoochers.

Good move
*The erectile dysfunction drug Levitra now uses a woman spokesperson in their TV ads. This greatly increases the ad's credibility. You know what you call a guy talking about sex? A liar.

Rough start
*Bear with me. I'm having a rough day. I woke up to the sound of Billy Joel crashing into my house.

In separate accidents, a few months apart, both Rodney King and piano man Billy Joel crashed into houses. Apparently both Joel and King expected the house to swerve first. Here's a safety tip: Don't play chicken with a house.

How do these guys negotiate an economy parking spot if they can't miss a house?

How fast is it?
*IBM and Stanford University said they have established a laboratory to develop new, faster computer chips. Compared to today's chip, with the new faster chip, when you log on to a porn site at work, you can get fired 50% faster than before.

Oh good, now we get spam faster than ever.

This will be handy, guys will be able to log into lesbian chat rooms faster than ever.

Bad week
*The rumor has it that Michael Jackson's lawyer, Mark Geragos, quit the case. It's been a tough week for Michael. In addition, if Jackson drafted him, Eli Manning said he won't play for him.

Scary thought
*Halle Berry is getting divorced from her husband Eric Benet. You know what I would hate to see? Halle hooking up with Billy Joel. That would be one scary couple to have driving around.