You know you are not hip, like me, when you get all your street slang from McDonalds commercials, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
You can check in any time you want . . .
*In Key West, Florida, a straight couple tried to check into a gay hotel but were turned away because they weren’t gay. Gay hotels are a little differant. You check in at the rear.
Well, gay hotels are a little differant. In the rooms, instead of an honor bar they have an on-him bar.
(And now to beat this dead horse)
You now how a regular hotel has room service? Gay hotels have room Sir vice.
You go, girl name
*According to a poll by babynames.com, the most popular baby names right now are Aidan for boys, and Madison for girls. The least popular names? Hillary for boys and Kobe for girls.
Scary thought
*Did you see the NFL draft? Here's my question: Could ESPN announcer and former troubled Dallas Cowboy Michael Irvin be any louder, more animated and generally annoyingly over-the-top? What was Irvin like when he was on cocaine?
This Irvin guy is so wound-up, he makes Howard Dean look like John Kerry.
Eli's coming
*The New York Giants traded up to get Eli Manning, the younger brother of All Pro Payton Manning. Is that a good idea? How often does the younger of a famous brother excel? I'll give you a two word example: James Christ.
Against all odds, I am sure the younger Eli will do as well as his famous older brother Payton Manning. Why, just look at all those other successful quarterback younger brothers: Kirby Montana, Dewey Elway and Bobby Favre.
Way to go Ahhhnold
*Here in California the porn business has been shut down on a health scare. Our governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, might intervene. Arnold could take a real "hands on" approach to the porn business.
As of this second, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is looking into the porn industry and he's groping for a solution.
No double talk here
*John Kerry was giving a big speech about the environment and a reporter asked him if he owned a SUV and he said, "No I do not.” And then the reporter asked him "What about the Chevy Suburban you're driving?” Kerry said "That’s my wife’s.” Of course it's his wife's. Kerry's wife has all the money, everything is hers.
So, because Kerry's wife owns the SUV, it doesn't pollute? Oh my word. All we have to do is put all our cars in our wive's name and, bam, no more pollution. Kerry is a genius.
Apparently the presidential campaign has decided to go ugly early. How bad is it? Dick Cheney has actually hired Richard Simmons to bitch-slap John Kerry's policies.
Piano man, not so much of a car guy
*Billy Joel crashed his car into a Long Island house yesterday. This is Joel's third car accident in two years. What happens is Billy Joel starts thinking about his music and suddenly he mistakes the accelerator and brake for his piano pedals.
In his third car accident in two years, Joel was only slightly injured. Apparently, when it comes to drivers, only the good die young.
Misunderstanding
*More fighting in Fellujah in Iraq. Has somebody failed to explain to these morons that a cease fire means both sides have to stop firing, not just us? No free-sies. This isn't dodge ball, OK?
One headline read: "Invasion of restive Fallujah on hold." Apparently, "restive" is a journalistic politically correct term for Psychotic Hell Hole.
Smokin'
*Denzel Washington's "Man on Fire" narrowly beat out "13 To 30," the Jennifer Garner flick. Or as I call Jennifer Garner, "Woman on Fire." That girl is scorchingly hot. Seriously, Jennifer Garner is so gorgeous, she could make Richard Simmons slap himself.
Just to be clear
*Pre-production is underway for a "Three Stooges" movie. Incidentally, the Three Stooges were a famous slapstick comedy team from many years ago. The Three Stooges are not, repeat, not the presidential candidates Bush, Kerry and Ralph Nader.
You can check in any time you want . . .
*In Key West, Florida, a straight couple tried to check into a gay hotel but were turned away because they weren’t gay. Gay hotels are a little differant. You check in at the rear.
Well, gay hotels are a little differant. In the rooms, instead of an honor bar they have an on-him bar.
(And now to beat this dead horse)
You now how a regular hotel has room service? Gay hotels have room Sir vice.
You go, girl name
*According to a poll by babynames.com, the most popular baby names right now are Aidan for boys, and Madison for girls. The least popular names? Hillary for boys and Kobe for girls.
Scary thought
*Did you see the NFL draft? Here's my question: Could ESPN announcer and former troubled Dallas Cowboy Michael Irvin be any louder, more animated and generally annoyingly over-the-top? What was Irvin like when he was on cocaine?
This Irvin guy is so wound-up, he makes Howard Dean look like John Kerry.
Eli's coming
*The New York Giants traded up to get Eli Manning, the younger brother of All Pro Payton Manning. Is that a good idea? How often does the younger of a famous brother excel? I'll give you a two word example: James Christ.
Against all odds, I am sure the younger Eli will do as well as his famous older brother Payton Manning. Why, just look at all those other successful quarterback younger brothers: Kirby Montana, Dewey Elway and Bobby Favre.
Way to go Ahhhnold
*Here in California the porn business has been shut down on a health scare. Our governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, might intervene. Arnold could take a real "hands on" approach to the porn business.
As of this second, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is looking into the porn industry and he's groping for a solution.
No double talk here
*John Kerry was giving a big speech about the environment and a reporter asked him if he owned a SUV and he said, "No I do not.” And then the reporter asked him "What about the Chevy Suburban you're driving?” Kerry said "That’s my wife’s.” Of course it's his wife's. Kerry's wife has all the money, everything is hers.
So, because Kerry's wife owns the SUV, it doesn't pollute? Oh my word. All we have to do is put all our cars in our wive's name and, bam, no more pollution. Kerry is a genius.
Apparently the presidential campaign has decided to go ugly early. How bad is it? Dick Cheney has actually hired Richard Simmons to bitch-slap John Kerry's policies.
Piano man, not so much of a car guy
*Billy Joel crashed his car into a Long Island house yesterday. This is Joel's third car accident in two years. What happens is Billy Joel starts thinking about his music and suddenly he mistakes the accelerator and brake for his piano pedals.
In his third car accident in two years, Joel was only slightly injured. Apparently, when it comes to drivers, only the good die young.
Misunderstanding
*More fighting in Fellujah in Iraq. Has somebody failed to explain to these morons that a cease fire means both sides have to stop firing, not just us? No free-sies. This isn't dodge ball, OK?
One headline read: "Invasion of restive Fallujah on hold." Apparently, "restive" is a journalistic politically correct term for Psychotic Hell Hole.
Smokin'
*Denzel Washington's "Man on Fire" narrowly beat out "13 To 30," the Jennifer Garner flick. Or as I call Jennifer Garner, "Woman on Fire." That girl is scorchingly hot. Seriously, Jennifer Garner is so gorgeous, she could make Richard Simmons slap himself.
Just to be clear
*Pre-production is underway for a "Three Stooges" movie. Incidentally, the Three Stooges were a famous slapstick comedy team from many years ago. The Three Stooges are not, repeat, not the presidential candidates Bush, Kerry and Ralph Nader.
posted by Alex at
12:56 PM
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