My 'puter is down, so bear with me, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
How hot is it?
Man it's been hot. I'm sweatin' like a militant Mullah in Fellujah.
I was sweatin' like Paris Hilton when her date gets dressed.
This is interesting, did you know what Fellujah means? It's an Arabic word for; "What the hell was that noise?"
My computer crashed yesterday? How bad was it? To give you and idea, my computer went down faster than Paris Hilton after a dinner date.
Reality TV
The parents of Paris Hilton are getting their own reality show. I think it's called; "How to Raise a 'Ho."
Do the math
Despite allegations of adultery, Gillette has signed soccer star David Beckham to a $70 mil endorsement deal. Or as Kobe Bryant calls $70 mil, 17 more girlfriends and diamond rings.
In Germany, to cut down on litter in Berlin, they have trash cans that say thank you when you throw away trash. They also have talking trash cans in Paris, but they say; "Who are you to throw away zee trash? You should throw yourself away you nasty not-good- as-us person."
My computer went down like Paris Hilton after a dinner date, so I couldn't e-mail you this during; "Because I'm Stupid." But I wanted to send one more in long line of examples why I am so stupid I can barely operate the complicated act of breathing.
A few weeks ago, I hopped out of bed early Saturday morning to go to the grocery store and I ran into an old girlfriend and, man, did she look great. Now I am married, and we had had an amiable break up, but you know how it is; you want all your ex's to think; "I must have been nuts to ever let this fine figure of a man go." Well, my ex wasn't acting anything like that. No, in fact, she was acting like something about me offended her and she couldn't wait to get away.
After her hurried and insincere dripping "good to see you," I asked myself, what the hell was her problem? Not to sound vain, but I work out, I was dressed OK. I even gave myself the covert pitt-smell check and breath into the palm sniff. Nope, I smelled fine.
When I got to my car, I checked myself in the rear view mirror and my blood ran cold. To my infinite horror, my mouth was amply caked with dried-up white toothpaste like I was a rabid dog doing a "Got Milk" commercial. Why didn't I check my face before I left the house? BECAUSE I'M STUPID. I swear, I am so stupid I couldn't beat Jessica Simpson in "Jeopardy."
Love your show like Rummy likes to bomb Fellujah,
How hot is it?
Man it's been hot. I'm sweatin' like a militant Mullah in Fellujah.
I was sweatin' like Paris Hilton when her date gets dressed.
This is interesting, did you know what Fellujah means? It's an Arabic word for; "What the hell was that noise?"
My computer crashed yesterday? How bad was it? To give you and idea, my computer went down faster than Paris Hilton after a dinner date.
Reality TV
The parents of Paris Hilton are getting their own reality show. I think it's called; "How to Raise a 'Ho."
Do the math
Despite allegations of adultery, Gillette has signed soccer star David Beckham to a $70 mil endorsement deal. Or as Kobe Bryant calls $70 mil, 17 more girlfriends and diamond rings.
In Germany, to cut down on litter in Berlin, they have trash cans that say thank you when you throw away trash. They also have talking trash cans in Paris, but they say; "Who are you to throw away zee trash? You should throw yourself away you nasty not-good- as-us person."
My computer went down like Paris Hilton after a dinner date, so I couldn't e-mail you this during; "Because I'm Stupid." But I wanted to send one more in long line of examples why I am so stupid I can barely operate the complicated act of breathing.
A few weeks ago, I hopped out of bed early Saturday morning to go to the grocery store and I ran into an old girlfriend and, man, did she look great. Now I am married, and we had had an amiable break up, but you know how it is; you want all your ex's to think; "I must have been nuts to ever let this fine figure of a man go." Well, my ex wasn't acting anything like that. No, in fact, she was acting like something about me offended her and she couldn't wait to get away.
After her hurried and insincere dripping "good to see you," I asked myself, what the hell was her problem? Not to sound vain, but I work out, I was dressed OK. I even gave myself the covert pitt-smell check and breath into the palm sniff. Nope, I smelled fine.
When I got to my car, I checked myself in the rear view mirror and my blood ran cold. To my infinite horror, my mouth was amply caked with dried-up white toothpaste like I was a rabid dog doing a "Got Milk" commercial. Why didn't I check my face before I left the house? BECAUSE I'M STUPID. I swear, I am so stupid I couldn't beat Jessica Simpson in "Jeopardy."
Love your show like Rummy likes to bomb Fellujah,
posted by Alex at
10:20 AM
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