Saturday, April 24, 2004

It ain't like that, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Separated at birth?
Singer Patti Smith has a new CD and an article and a picture in USA Today. (4-24-04) Did you see the picture? When did Patti Smith turn into Howard Stern?
http://www.usatoday.com/life/front.htm
That's Jackson'd up
*In the Mideast, Jermaine Jackson spoke out against U.S. policy. Ironically, Jackson's comments were in now way germane. In fact, they were more Tito-esqe.

The other yellow streak
*Spain has retreated from Iraq. Or as we now call Spain, the other France.

Thanks for stopping by
*Saudi Arabia has declared that they are cracking down on terrorism. That's kind of like Hershey, Pennsylvania announcing they are cracking down on chocolate.

Since you asked:
As I am sure you know, Pat Tillman, who left a multi-million NFL contract to enlist in the special forces after 9-11, was killed in action in Afghanistan. Pat Tillman was a deep-thinking pro athlete who put honor and loyalty above himself and money. In addition, this marks the first time the words "deep-thinking pro athlete who put honor and loyalty above himself and money" have ever been used in a sentence.

Tillman was an amazingly brave man who voluntarily fought terrorism in Afghanistan in an era when number one NFL draft picks announce they are too scared to play in San Diego.

The more I find out about Pat Tillman, the more amazed I become. Tillman turned down a huge 9 million dollar offer from the Rams out of loyalty to his Cardinal coaches because they gave him a chance. When Tillman enlisted in the Army Rangers he refused to do interviews because he felt he didn't deserve any more attention than anyone else in the service. But do you know the most amazing thing about Pat Tillman? Every single one of the service people who have fought and died in Iraq and Afghanistan was every bit as amazing as Pat Tillman, and Pat Tillman would be the first to tell you so. Tillman would have probably hated the extra attention his death received over that of the other brave people who have died serving our country.

Maybe I'm angry and looking for a way to vent, but, for the first time ever it is actually unfortunate that I am not president of the United States. Why? That's because, if I was president, I would command that former Pretender singer Chrissie Hynde repeat - on National TV in front of Pat Tillman's fans, friends and family - Hynde's in-concert anti-Iraq war statement of over a year ago:

"I hope the terrorists win and send our soldiers back in a box"- Outspoken PETA supporter Chryssie Hynde

It is at once tragic and wonderful that great people die to protect the rights of even the truly horrible people.

On a lighter note

Tina Fey is smokin' hot. My goodness. Cute, hot, funny, smart. Dammit.

The first time I fell deeply in love with Tina Fey was when she doing a joke on "Weekend Update" on that hot blonde CNN reporter - I forgot her name - who dyed her hair brown and donned glasses to be less conspicuous while reporting in the Middle East. A bemused Fey commented;

"If she thinks that brown hair and glasses keeps men from noticing you," Fey, who suddenly became shy, embarrassed and demure, said; "she is absolutely right."

Oh my word, be still foolish circus in my pants.

I am going to find out Tina Fey's class schedule and run over to where she will walk out of her English class and pretend I was just walking by. Man, I hope she says "Hi." Maybe I'll get my buddy, Woody, to tell Tina's friend that, if, you know, if Tina, you know, like, wasn't doing anything sometime, that I, you know, I might, that is if she doesn't mind, sometime, maybe, or not, I would, like, I don't know, like, maybe give Tina a call? Or something. No big deal. Whatever. Or not. OK, fine, if she doesn't want me to call, I don't care. Big whoop. I wasn't going to call her anyway. I was kidding. So there. Yeah, like I am going to waste my time calling her. Right. Heh, heh. Oh, man. Get over yourself.

Can I give her a call please? Pleeeeease? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?

And that's how we play; "I have a crush on Tina Fey." (Polite applause)

P.S. Excuse my five-year-old daughter Ann Caroline stories, but, she asked if I could give her a stamp. When I asked what it was for, she handed me an envelope addressed "To God."

When I asked her what she wrote to God, she said;

"Dear God, I love you. Ann Caroline."

Talk about covering your butt.