Can I get a hosanna from you now one time up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?

Greatest ti . . . I mean hits
*Proving once again, that there is no such thing as bad publicity, Janet Jackson's new album opened at #2. I'm not surprised, Janet has some greathits. I said GREAT . . . HITS.

Go 'Ski's
*Hey congratulations to the University of Connecticut's women’s basketball team national champions, The Lady Huskies. Incidentally, the Lady Huskies is the worst name for a women's basketball team since the Oregon State Lady Beavers.

Isn't the Lady Huskies also the name of Rosie O'Donnell's softball team?

Paging Ron Popeil
*A woman in Mexico gave birth to a healthy baby boy, after performing a c-section on herself using a kitchen knife. I think she named him Ginsu.

And guys think they are tough. I can't bring myself to clip off a hang nail.

There's the next Ginsu commercial, after cutting a can, a brick and nails, zip, there's a kid.

*The worst part? She pulled the kid out using a Popeil pocket fisherman.

Quite a dish
Have you heard the special at the Capital Hill cafeteria? Grilled Rice ala Condoleezza.

It isn't an easy task to grill Condoleezza Rice, the rice grains keep slipping between the grill grids and falling into the fire. It's a lot easier to bake Condoleezza Rice.

Next on "The Cooking Channel: The Federal investigator special: How to serve Martha Stewart's cooked goose over grilled Condoleezza Rice.

A wild idea
*The democrats seem intent on blaming September 11th on the Republicans. That's like American Airlines blaming the attacks on the United planes. Here's a wild idea: How about if we blame the terrorists?

This just in: Democratic leaders now question why the Bush administration didn't do more to stop the movie; "Gigli."