Saturday, March 06, 2004

We ain’t frontin’, we marinatin’ in the rizzi wit’ our road dawg up in this here be-yatch, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
(Near as I can tell I just said, I’m not kidding, we are relaxing in the car with my buddy right here)

Can’t we all just get along?
It got ugly when they announced Martha Stewart’s guilty verdict. Angry suburban soccer Moms rioted: Starbucks latte’s were deliberately spilled, Luxury SUV’s were blatantly parked in school “Drop off only” zones, and coupons were used in the “No Coupons” grocery line.

She learned her lesson and that’s a good thing
*Martha Stewart was convicted of obstruction of justice and lying to investigators about her sale of a biotech stock. Martha’s only wished they could have told her the verdict ahead of time so she could have sold her company shares before they tanked.

From the ‘roid to the void
Now that baseball is embroiled in a full-blown steroid controversy, there are many experts who feel the only solution is zero tolerance: if caught using steroids a player is banned from baseball for life. That’s right, trade them to the Detroit Tigers.

Let’s get real for a change
Can we clear something up right now? When a star high school football stud comes to visit a prospective big-time college, would you show him the study area in the library? The cafeteria with the steamed-to-mush vegetables and dry meat loaf? No, you take him to a keg party with cute co-eds. What a shocker, huh? Would a corporation try and woo an executive by showing him the supply room and the water cooler? No, they show them the corporate spa and the private plane. Why do people have their panties in a twist about this?

Although I am excited about the opening of San Diego’s PETCO Park, it has been tough explaining to my two Labradors, Wrigley and Kasey – one of which is named after the Cubs field – that pets are not, in fact, welcomed at PETCO Park. (You should see the sad looks on their faces when I explain it to them. It would break your heart)

Oh sure, on August 8th they throw pets a bone and have a PETCO dog day, but that’s it. One stinkin' day. Is that fair to name a place PETCO and not allow pets every day? Northwestern University plays in Dyche stadium and they do not ban motorcycling, flannel-shirted, camping lesbians.