Friday, March 05, 2004

Let’s snatch ‘em up bald-headed and then flat-bust ‘em ‘cause they be bald, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Um, Bill . . .
*According to a University of Louisville study, women are instinctively attracted to married men. Upon hearing this, Bill Clinton said, “Boy, I sure wish I was married.”

Something especially cheap in the air
*Have you flown lately? They charge for every little service. On my last trip, when the flight attendant hit me in the knee with the beverage cart, she charged me $20 for a leg massage.

So take that
*The creators of the viruses “Net Sky,” “Bagle” and “Mydoom” are bickering. It is getting ugly. As the old saying goes, hell hath no fury like a 24-year-old virgin nerd living at home.

The virus authors are trading insults like; “You got beat up more in school than I did.” “My bedroom in my parent’s house is bigger than yours.” And; “You’re more of a virgin than I am.”

*Mike Tyson avoided jail in New York by pleading guilty to disorderly conduct and agreeing to 100 hours of community service. Exactly what service could Tyson provide a community? Besides, of course, Iron Mike’s expert advice on effective anger management techniques.

Can you imagine Mike Tyson leading an anger management seminar? (High pitched) “If someone makeshh you mad, go to your happy placcce. If that doesn’t work, bite his ear off.”

The best service Mike Tyson could provide a community is to leave and go to another community.

Saw this coming, so to speak
*Competing in the Women’s Australian Open, Mianne Bagger is the first transsexual to play in a pro golf tournament. It isn’t easy for her. She starts every game down two balls.

It hasn’t been easy for Mianne. She can no longer tell her favorite golf joke; “The only two good balls I ever hit was when I stepped on a rake.”

A close one
*NBA Star Chris Webber’s college - and maybe his high school team- have to forfeit games because he took money. Chris Webber also voted in the 2000 Presidential election. President Bush should have to forfeit his victory. But, luckily for Bush, he didn’t actually win the election.