Wednesday, January 21, 2004

We ain’t playin’ now, no way, we gonna get after it today, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

By cracky
Reportedly President Bush is quite pleased with his State of the Union speech. Today Bush saw a tape of the speech and he said that, in all modesty, it made him look right Presidential-a-fied.

A bit much
*Did you see Martha Stewart arrive at court? I thought it was a bit much when she climbed on top of the van and did the moon walk.

Martha Stewart arrived at court. It was touching that Tito and Jermaine were there for support.


Largess
*The late McDonald’s heiress, Joan Kroc, donated $1.5 billion to the Salvation Army. Today the Salvation Army announced they are going to invade Iraq.

Maybe now those Salvation Army Santa’s can afford real-looking beards.

Color me excited
*The New England Patriots are playing the Carolina Panthers in the Super Bowl. Woo hoo. I haven’t been this excited since I got an extra ketchup packet in my McDonalds order.

A good sign
*You can tell it’s finally warming up in the East. Today two apprentices climbed out from hibernating in Donald Trump’s eyebrows.

Ladies and Jellybeans
*Did you see the State of the Union speech? When President Bush made a statement, for some reason, only the republican side of the audience stood up and applauded. I know why. The hidden camera caught Hillary Clinton clipping the speaker wires on the democrat side.

Did you see the shot of Ted Kennedy sitting when everyone else gave the President a standing ovation? In his defense, Kennedy wasn’t being rude, he has gotten so big he can’t stand up.

Did you see the shot of Ted Kennedy? The man is huge. Apparently the Atkins diet does not yet include Dewar’s scotch.

What cracks me up about the State of the Union telecast is every time they show a shot of Hillary Clinton, I imagine Bill Clinton shrieking and falling out of his girlfriend’s bed.

President Bush got a little worked up in his State of the Union speech. For example, one time Bush got so worked up, he fired one of Donald Trump’s apprentices.

Bad call
*Howard Dean gave an angry speech after the Iowa Caucus loss. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea for Dean to have ordered the Mad Cow Burger before the speech.


*There is a flash flood warning for Kansas City. Not because of rain, but because Chiefs coach Dick Vermeil had to say goodbye to his resigning defensive coordinator Greg Robinson. Now I don’t want to say Dick Vermeil is overly emotional, but I saw the guy cry at a Levitra commercial.

So sad
There was a sad moment during the press conference to announce the halftime entertainment for the Super Bowl. When the NFL spokes person announced that U2 would perform, Mariah Carey shouted “Me too? Me too? I knew my fans hadn’t forgotten me. My comeback is complete.”