Rollin’ wit’ da Homies, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Not by a long shot
The front page of the Saturday Los Angeles Times featured an article on Black Iraqi Muslims exploring their African roots since Saddam Hussein departure. Incidentally, the title Black Iraqi Muslim is not likely one to get you invited to Rush Limbaugh’s weekly poker game.

Sticky wicket, what?
I caught a television interview with Christina Aguilera. Now, I don’t want to imply that Christina is a full-blown annoying pretentious diva, but she’s about one “jolly-good chap” away from affecting Madonna’s phony British accent.

Say what you will about Britney Spears and her antics, at least she ain’t got no fake British accent, y’all.


A step up
*Pakistani President Gen. Pervez Musharraf was heckled by lawmakers in his first-ever speech to Parliament. Asked to comment on the heckling, Musharraf said, although unpleasant, it was a big improvement over people trying to blow him up.

Musharraf responded to the heckling by shooting back; “Hey, do I come to where you work and tell you how to pour a slurpy? Back off, Apu.”

Call Dave
*You can tell it was cold back east. In New York, a lot of cab drivers installed portable heaters in their turbans.

A no no
*Another person got fired by Donald Trump on “The Apprentice.” You could tell this person was in trouble when he got drunk and told the press that the T in Trump is silent.


The big Wiesy
*14-year-old Michelle Wie beat 48 pro male golfers and missed the cut at the Sony Open by only one stroke. Across the country, millions of morons are now thinking; “Well, no wonder I am bad at golf; it is clearly a sport geared for little girlie-girls and I am far too burly and brawny a man.”

Minus the swinging tire
*It was a beautiful weekend. I was going to throw the football around my backyard, but I was afraid my neighbors would think I was on Levitra. Not that there is anything wrong with that . . .

Saw this one coming
*Could you believe Michael Jackson’s performance at court? He was dancing, smiling, shaking hands, jumping on top of a bus and waving; it’s obvious the guy feels like a kid again.

Pete’s odds
Pete Rose might be learning his lesson after all; he has a lot bet on football this weekend, but not money: if Indianapolis loses, Pete has to wear a tutu and tiara stand in Times Square and sing Shania Twain’s “I feel like a woman.”

Now that’s shaking
It’s finally warming up back east. For a while folks in Boston were shaking like the Red Sox were in the playoffs instead of the Patriots.