Somebody on they way for a right good jolly- stompin’ up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
A little bit of perspective
13-year-old surfer Bethany Hamilton competed and placed in a surfing contest just ten weeks after getting her arm bitten off by a great white shark. Think of this and remember that 6.2, 260 lb San Diego Chargers tight end David Boston once took time off to let his pierced nipples heal.
Bear down
The Chicago Bears have hired Lovie Smith as their head coach. In terms of discipline, it will be interesting to see how the players respond to a coach with the same name as “Gilligan’s Island’s” Mrs. Thurston J. Howell III.
One can only imagine how former Bears Mike Ditka, Doug Buffone and Dick Butkus would have responded to a coach named Loooooovieeeee, ewwwww.
How cold is it? (Get the drums ready)
*It is so cold in New York, the hookers are so frigid they remind Bill Clinton of Hillary.
It was so cold in New York, in Times Square, a New Yorker told a tourist to; “G-g-g-go screw y-y-y-yours-s-self.”
It was so cold in New York, in Times Square a New Yorker actually hugged a tourist for warmth.
It is so cold in New York, Yankee fans are huddled around owner George Stienbrenner just for the hot air.
It was so cold in New York, Donald Trump’s comb-over froze and snapped off.
Frozen Lakers
*Man it is cold back east. People in New York are shaking like the L.A. Laker’s team doctor.
With Shaq, Kobe and Karl Malone all injured, the Los Angeles Lakers are stretched thinner than Donald Trump’s comb-over.
A new show
*The Donald Trump show “The Apprentice” is doing well. In fact, there may be a spin-off of the “The Apprentice.” It will star Donald Trump’s hair.
Fuggaddaboutit, Tony
*New Jersey became the first state to legalize human clones. When asked to comment, one New Jersey man replied; “Yo, who you callin’a clone over here, huh Bozo?”
Something to see
*Did you see the pictures from Mars? Nothing but red sand and rocks as far as you can see until the first Starbucks.
Just that
Did you see the pictures from Mars? There was so much sand and rock the only thing missing was a “Las Vegas One Hundred Miles” sign.
OK, we got the Starbucks thing, Lex
President Bush said he wants to put a man on Mars. It makes sense. Somebody has to man the espresso machine at the Starbucks.
Something special in the air, like his middle finger
*American Airlines plans to meet with labor leaders this month to discuss ways of improving customer service. Their first suggestion is that pilots should make sure their hands are manicured and clean before they flip people off.
In Brazil, an American Airlines pilot was fined nearly $13,000 when he flipped-off the security camera after landing at the airport. In his defense, the pilot said he was grumpy because he hadn’t had a drink in over an hour.
Smooth move
Nellie, P. Diddy and Kid Rock have been added to the Super Bowl halftime show. This is actually a security move. With Nellie, P. Diddy and Kid Rock’s fans there, terrorists would be too afraid to try anything.
A little bit of perspective
13-year-old surfer Bethany Hamilton competed and placed in a surfing contest just ten weeks after getting her arm bitten off by a great white shark. Think of this and remember that 6.2, 260 lb San Diego Chargers tight end David Boston once took time off to let his pierced nipples heal.
Bear down
The Chicago Bears have hired Lovie Smith as their head coach. In terms of discipline, it will be interesting to see how the players respond to a coach with the same name as “Gilligan’s Island’s” Mrs. Thurston J. Howell III.
One can only imagine how former Bears Mike Ditka, Doug Buffone and Dick Butkus would have responded to a coach named Loooooovieeeee, ewwwww.
How cold is it? (Get the drums ready)
*It is so cold in New York, the hookers are so frigid they remind Bill Clinton of Hillary.
It was so cold in New York, in Times Square, a New Yorker told a tourist to; “G-g-g-go screw y-y-y-yours-s-self.”
It was so cold in New York, in Times Square a New Yorker actually hugged a tourist for warmth.
It is so cold in New York, Yankee fans are huddled around owner George Stienbrenner just for the hot air.
It was so cold in New York, Donald Trump’s comb-over froze and snapped off.
Frozen Lakers
*Man it is cold back east. People in New York are shaking like the L.A. Laker’s team doctor.
With Shaq, Kobe and Karl Malone all injured, the Los Angeles Lakers are stretched thinner than Donald Trump’s comb-over.
A new show
*The Donald Trump show “The Apprentice” is doing well. In fact, there may be a spin-off of the “The Apprentice.” It will star Donald Trump’s hair.
Fuggaddaboutit, Tony
*New Jersey became the first state to legalize human clones. When asked to comment, one New Jersey man replied; “Yo, who you callin’a clone over here, huh Bozo?”
Something to see
*Did you see the pictures from Mars? Nothing but red sand and rocks as far as you can see until the first Starbucks.
Just that
Did you see the pictures from Mars? There was so much sand and rock the only thing missing was a “Las Vegas One Hundred Miles” sign.
OK, we got the Starbucks thing, Lex
President Bush said he wants to put a man on Mars. It makes sense. Somebody has to man the espresso machine at the Starbucks.
Something special in the air, like his middle finger
*American Airlines plans to meet with labor leaders this month to discuss ways of improving customer service. Their first suggestion is that pilots should make sure their hands are manicured and clean before they flip people off.
In Brazil, an American Airlines pilot was fined nearly $13,000 when he flipped-off the security camera after landing at the airport. In his defense, the pilot said he was grumpy because he hadn’t had a drink in over an hour.
Smooth move
Nellie, P. Diddy and Kid Rock have been added to the Super Bowl halftime show. This is actually a security move. With Nellie, P. Diddy and Kid Rock’s fans there, terrorists would be too afraid to try anything.
posted by Alex at
12:43 PM
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