Saturday, November 01, 2003

Yah gotta love Shaq, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Shaquille O’Neal announced that his spat with Kobe Bryant is over. Can you imagine what a relief it must have been for the people of Southern California to hear that? Now they can go back to raking the ashes of their former homes with peace of mind. Thank you, Kobe. Thank you, Shaq.

This kind of statement makes me long for the time of Shaq’s press boycott. All twenty-five minutes of it. Apparently Shaq’s promised permanent press boycott is over. At least the press thinks it is, as Shaq pointed out, the press isn’t smart enough to figure out the wily ways of a mind as sharp as Shaq’s.

Now that his spat with Kobe and the press are over, Shaq can get back to doing what he does best: Eating portions of food the size of two Labrador retrievers.

Hey, did you hear Shaq was on Jenny Craig? But don’t worry, they were able to pull Jenny out before any of her bones were crushed. (Badaboom) I’ll be here all week, try the veal. . . before Shaq eats it all. (Oww, the scorcher, I kill me)

Why the Shaq attack? It just seems that, at this time of California’s worst tragedy, it is even more ludicrous and inappropriate how a big, spoiled, egomaniacal galoot, like Shaq, can so wildly over-estimate the import his thoughts and actions have on the rest of us.

With apologies to Sam Malone’s character from “Cheers,” did you hear they named a tropical island NBA in honor of pro basketball players? But in this case, the NBA stands for No Brains Atoll.

Now that the brushfires are yielding, the press is focusing on citing blame. And here is the wild part, so far, although they are not sure how, all the fault seems to somehow point at either Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis or the BCS. Weird, huh?