We gonna kick it old school up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

A big day for the kid
Congratulations go out to Ashton Kutcher. Today, after going out with Demi Moore for many months, Ashton finally was awarded his Senior Citizen Boy Scout Merit badge.

Or “This Side Up.”
According to Glamour magazine, the latest trend for women is to have words tattooed on their rear ends. My favorite? “Don’t even THINK about parking here.”

My favorite? “How am I driving?”

Nice addition
A man in Reno is under investigation for violating trade embargos when he bought four dolphins from Cuba. He had a buyer. The guy in the Bronx wanted to add the dolphins to his tiger and alligator collection.

Welcome to our era
China had its first successful space launch. In addition, China announced they will also introduce push-button phones, seat belts, pop-top cans, polyester and, someday, maybe even color TV.

Can you believe this guy?
Cal Berkeley’s last second 41-yard field goal was no good in their 23-20 loss to UCLA. Initially, it looked like the field goal hit the upright, but upon closer review, it turns out it was accidentally knocked away by Cubs foul-flubber Steve Bartman.

Same deal
German police apprehended a vicious crow that was attacking passers-by by getting it drunk on bait laced with alcohol. It’s the same technique they use to arrest Rodney King.

Wait ‘till Bush finds out they eat dogs
President Bush on Sunday rejected North Korea's demand that the United States sign a formal non-aggression treaty. Now it really looks bad for North Korea. Today they discovered oil there.

Just a hunch
Giants superstar Barry Bonds is among several high-profile athletes subpoenaed by a federal grand jury investigating an alleged Bay Area steroid maker. My guess is that they aren’t bringing in Barry for the “Before” in the “Before and After” part of the steroid testimony.

But other than that . . .
The grocery store strikers are upset that customers seem apathetic and uniformed about the striker’s plight. When asked to comment about the striker’s accusations of being uniformed and apathetic, one customer replied;

“I don’t know and I don’t care.”