Friday, October 31, 2003

Now that’s what I’m talkin’ ‘about, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Happy Halloween. I saw what I thought was the scariest costume. One woman had this gaunt, frightening skeleton-like mask. Turns out it was Arnold’s wife, Maria Shriver.

Tough choice
This Halloween my wife can’t decide if she wants to either put on a lot of makeup and go as Liza Minelli or put on even more makeup and go as David Gest.

Liza Minelli denies that she ever hit David Gest. It’s not that she didn’t want to smack him, it’s just that she didn’t want to get all that makeup on her hand.

It isn’t silly at alllllllll
Paul McCartney and Heather Mills had a baby girl. He’s 61, she’s 35. There is going to be a lot of waking up in the middle of the night and crying for quite a while. But once Heather gets used to the fact that the father of her child is an old man, she should be OK.

It’s good that Paul McCartney had the baby when he was 61. This way, when the kid grows up, hopefully everyone will have long forgotten about Paul’s “Silly Love Songs.”

Queen of Ice
This Rosie O’Donnell “Rosie” magazine trial is getting weird. One of the facts that came out is that Rosie was strongly influenced by Boy George. And why not? If you can’t get good advice from a cross-dressing former heroin addict, who can you get good advise from?

Identity theft
One day the Lakers’ Shaquille O’Neal and Kobe Bryant are snipping at each other through the press, the next day they are seen smiling and laughing together. Who do these two think they are, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez?

Choo choo go boom boom
There are three famous sports celebrities who are reportedly behaving wildly out of control. Some sports insiders are betting on whose train is going to wreck first, former British Open golf champ John Daly, former basketball star Dennis Rodman or former sane human being Mike Tyson.

Just desserts
A known sexual predator in South Philadelphia was chased down and beaten by the Catholic schoolgirls he exposed himself to. You know that guy is going to have a rough time in jail;

“So what did you do and who beat you up?”