Thursday, October 30, 2003

If I’m not mistaken, we slammin’ mo’ bettah, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

That time of year
Here in California we can tell that Halloween is just around the corner. Today Arnold Schwarzenegger groped a pumpkin.

It’s a start
We are still trying to adjust here in California due to all the fires. Today in Sacramento they officially changed the state motto from “Eureka” to “Extra Crispy Style.”

Saddam Willard
*They are declaring war on the rats in New York City. It’s going pretty good. Today they tore down that big rat statue in Central Park.

The war on New York rats is going pretty good, but they still can’t find their weapons of mass destruction.

I think it’s called Operation Rodent Freedom

Where was the tiger?
*Scary incident on an American airlines flight. An alligator got loose in the baggage compartment of the plane. Yeah, it nearly scared that guy in the crate to death.

With a Z
*Did you hear who is on the under card at the boxing matches at Madison Square Garden? Ike Turner and Liza Minelli. My money’s on Liza.

Liza Minnelli and her husband David Gest are getting a divorce. David says that Liza beat him while they were married. So that explains why he wore all that cadaver makeup; he was covering up his black eyes.

Rumor has it that Liza is seeing another man. David is very jealous. And why wouldn’t he be? He dated the guy for years.

It up and good
*A medical group in Colorado is offering a new idea; a beer for blood program. You donate a pint of blood, you get a pint of beer. Unless you are Oakland Raiders field goal kicker Sebastian Janikowski, a pint of his blood is a pint of beer.