Why they got to be all up in our faces, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?

Since you asked bonus round:

No kidding, Slats and Nuggies, I am turning into a world-class hypochondriac. So far I’ve just kept it to myself, but an incident occurred yesterday that “outed” my hyponess.

Yesterday late afternoon, I walk into a bar to meet a friend and I suddenly had the worst feeling. I started to get dizzy and sensed it was getting darker.

“Oh my word, it’s a stroke, I read about this, that or it’s a tumor pressing on my optic nerve. No, it’s glaucoma. That has to be it.”

“Yeah,” my buddy said, notably unimpressed, “that or you could take off your sunglasses.”

Remember, nobody likes an unsympathetic wise-ass, Slats and Nuggies.