Can we catch a break one damn time over here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?

Big deal?
Game seven of the New York Yankees Boston Red Sox game is tonight. Or as us Chicago Cubs fans refer to that series: “Yeah, fine, whatever.”

Just a joke
I can tell I’m getting older. One time I was having sex and I thought I was having a heart attack. I was fine, but at the time, I was so upset, I almost asked for my money back.

Slats and Nugs, in lieu of the Chicago Cubs disastrous playoff meltdown, it is important for us Cubs fans to not become bitter or angry; we don’t want to reduce ourselves to saying things like the Florida Marlin’s manager Jack McKeon is so old Pedro Martinez wouldn’t throw him down, nor that their name is a stinking, smelly fish, nor especially that their catcher, Pudge Rodriguez, looks like a deranged troll. All of that would be beneath us and we should avoid it.