My daughter's first day of Kindergarten, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

And I didn’t know Tom was hiding weapons of mass destruction . . .
Tom Cruise reportedly has three body doubles. Tom used to have five, but two had to go back to elementary school after labor day.

How hot was it?
It was hot, I was sweating like Ellen DeGeneris watching Madonna kiss Britney Spears.


Tennis babe
*Anna Kournakova quit her roving reporter gig for TNT at the U.S. Open after three days. It didn’t work out. They kept asking Anna to interview the winner, and she kept asking: “What’s a winner?”

Not quite the same
There is such a thing as taking things to far: in another desperate attempt to save their singing careers, today Kathy Lee Gifford and Debbie Gibson made out on stage.

Smile
Madonna has signed up for ads for “The Gap.” When I first heard that Madonna was doing ads for The Gap, I thought they were for an orthodontist.

Oops
Insiders say that the Britney-Madonna kiss was Britney’s idea. Apparently Britney has a collection of girl-on-girl adult videos and is very bi-curious. Upon hearing this, about ten million teenage boys, oops, just did it again.

Justifiable and undeniable
Jesse Jackson was arrested at a Yale protest. It wasn’t the protest that got Jesse arrested, he was arrested outside the English department for his bad poetry.

I can't work like this . . .
Five of the candidates for Governor of California will debate on Wednesday except for Arnold Schwarzenegger. In his defense, Arnold said he would appear for the debate, but nobody has sent him the script yet.
The debate is being billed as the Loser-palooza.

The debate is billed as Loserpalooza.